Ep 32 How to Meditate

In today’s episode, we spend some time talking about the how-to’s of meditation and what some of our personal preferences are, all through the lenses of our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Do you sometimes wonder: Am I doing this right? What does it even mean to meditate? Join us as we tackle some of meditation’s big questions together.

#MeditationForChildren
#CenteringPrayer
#Journey
#LettingGo 

Additional Resources:
Spiritual Companion: Mary Reynolds
Podcast Episode: Ep 11 Embodied Spirituality with Mary Reynolds
Author: Sharon Salzberg
Author: Ruth Haley Barton

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Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

meditation, centering prayer, meditating, meditation practice, contemplative, prayer

Dominic Kaiser  00:06

Welcome to The Contemplative Life: Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens.

I'm Christina Roberts.
I'm Chris Roberts. 
I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us. 

Christina Roberts  00:24

Hello, it is great to be with you. Today we are going to talk about how to meditate. 

I find that meditation is a practice that we often hear in contemplative circles. It can also come up in the media. I was just reading an article yesterday about meditation with children and how, during the pandemic, this has been on the rise with children as they are trying to process what's going on. And so it makes me wonder: Okay, how does one meditate? Am I doing it right? I second guess myself, what does it actually mean to meditate? I think there's so many different definitions of meditation. 

So we wanted to take some time today to talk about our approaches to meditation and maybe some practical ways that the three of us engage in meditation. I think just to broaden and help people to understand that maybe there's not a one size fits all, and hopefully we can find some inroads to meditation.

Kristina Kaiser  01:17

I am super excited to be having this conversation because the word "meditation" didn't even come into my life until somewhere in my adult years. So as a child, there was no concept of that. It was just you prayed or you weren't praying. You were living or you were praying. And so I feel like actually, in my younger years, meditation was seen as a bad term, that somehow if you meditated, you were doing something negative. And there was always all this talk about emptying your mind, and is emptying your mind bad, and do you have any control when you do things like that? So despite the fact that there were scriptures about meditating on the law, or meditating on God, they were just ignored. They meant something else they meant, like, memorizing scripture or something. 

So as I started looking into these kinds of things in my middle-grown-up years, I first found my way into books that were more talking about the secular side of it, or more specifically, they would say: I'm not talking about God in all of this. You don't have to have a particular faith background. They were broad books, books that were meant to bring lots of people in to the conversation, and oftentimes, because they (people picking up the books) felt anxious, which, I totally feel anxious sometimes! And so I was into it. 

But yeah, so I think it started for me, in kind of a breathing, get still...these kind of "how-to" books, accompanied by my friends, making tons of fun, around like, "There's no way that I could ever get still, that would make me crazy, etc, etc." So that was my foray into meditation. And then, of course, we'll talk later about getting in depth.

Chris Roberts  03:11

Yeah, I think I found my way into meditating. Or, I wouldn't say meditation; I would say "Centering Prayer." Centering prayer is how I, sort of, found my way into this idea of meditating. And for me, I just heard someone talking about it. And they were talking about it in such a compelling way that I decided to give it a shot. 

It's interesting. I think, sometimes we think: Are we doing it right? Are we doing it wrong? It was a very good practice for me to start because this notion of right or wrong, am I doing it right, am I doing it wrong? You kind of have to throw that out the window, because, to some degree, when you meditate, or you do centering prayer, or things like that, it is a journey. It's not something that you just do right away. And then it starts working for you. 

For me, personally, I was trying to completely get rid of any thoughts that I might have. And I was giving myself a headache. Every time I would sit down to do centering prayer. I would like: Don't think about anything! And then my head would just start to ache. 

And then I heard about: Well, it's helpful to have a phrase that you would say that would return you to yourself and to the Divine. And so I thought: Well, light. Every time every time I have a thought where my mind is overactive and busy, if I just introduced the word "light," in the experience, that seemed to help me on my journey. Meditating, for me, is to enter into meditation with this word "light." And so I think the journey of centering prayer or meditation, it isn't this thing of: You just come to it, and you're doing it, that you're doing it right, and your life just changes automatically. I think there's a little bit of a journey. So that's something that comes up for me as we talk about meditation.

Christina Roberts  05:12

And I think even noting the different phrases that we're using, that you wouldn't call it meditating, you would call it centering prayer. And so, again, I think even our concepts of what this means varies. So I think it's helpful to talk about: Sometimes meditation is engaging in a particular thought or idea. And sometimes it's letting go. 

So I thought it might be interesting if we could just maybe talk about our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. And when we engage with meditation, how do each of those parts of our whole being engaged with this practice? So why don't we start with the body, and I'm curious to hear ways in which you approach meditation practice with your physical body.

Kristina Kaiser  05:49

So yeah, I think going back to that notion of anxiety, I'm just such a mover. And in fact, I have goals. I’ll say, like, "Okay, I'm going to start my work day, I'll do just a couple things to get them, kind of, off my plate, because then I know that my mind might slow down, and then I'll start my practice, and then I'll go back to my work." 

Like, that is my life plan. But I'll easily circumvent my own life plan and just get back to work or feel like I need to do my work. So what I'm going to do with my body becomes a really big story. And there tends to be various places that are useful for me, there's a couch in our living room, or there's a chair in our bedroom, which I guess is also telling. So I don't lay down because I will fall asleep. And I don't kneel because I don't find it comfortable. But you know, I've had friends lately that talk about standing with arms up raised, which, good for them. I feel too lazy for all that. 

But, right, so that was the first question, to Chris's point about: Are you doing it right? Are you doing it wrong? I had to ask myself all these questions about: Should my feet be flat on the floor? Is that a necessity? How straight do I need to sit for this to really count or work? And in the end, I don't do a lot of that unless I'm performing for somebody. I prefer crisscross applesauce, is my reality. So I like to be in my chair. I like to crisscross applesauce. 

...Unless I am feeling way busy in my body, in which case, I have found...so some of you may remember Mary Reynolds who we interviewed for Episode 11 in "Embodied Spirituality." I was so taken with what she was talking about in that episode, I went and watched like 30 of her videos. And she often does this stuff to get the energy out. She does all these various types of movement, which I started to realize as I did them with her: Oh, it exhausts you a little bit, and then when you get still, your body's ready to be still because you just expended some energy. So that is sometimes very helpful idea for me: Move my body a little bit and then sit down.

Chris Roberts  08:11

Yeah, Kristina, I really appreciated how you noted that we're all different, and we come in different places, and appreciated what you had to say, Kristina K, about your body sometimes not being ready to be still. 

And you know, I was one of those kids that you couldn't give red food coloring to because I was just so active. They would make me run around the room, and my dad said I never walked anywhere; I ran everywhere. But I've sort of flipped the script. As an adult, I could sit for hours playing a guitar. I can sit for hours reading a book. And so sometimes I think it's helpful for me, in my body, whenever I go on a walk...and meditation for me when I go on a walk is: I reflect on the light coming through the trees. I reflect on the grass and the way that it kind of, in my body, it's helpful to get moving sometimes because sometimes I sit too much.

Christina Roberts  09:16

I find myself thinking about different faith traditions. For example, there are some liturgical churches where one kneels. And so growing up Greek Orthodox, we would have a moment in the service where everyone was quiet and we were on our knees for those who were able to, and there was a stillness in the community while kneeling. I think others, sometimes Eastern meditation practices, you are sitting on the floor as a reminder of groundedness. And you are being held by the earth. And for those who maybe can't sit on the floor, if they're in a chair, there's often invitation for your feet to be on the floor. Because I think in their tradition, it's really important that there was a part of your body on the floor, grounded in their traditions. And so I just find that fascinating that there are different ways in which, you know, I think even in yoga practices, sometimes with body, you're invited to put your hand on your stomach, to actually feel your breath. And that that can be a way that your body is engaging in that moment of meditation. So again, the different invitations of body positions, and how that weaves into different faith ideas.

Maybe we can transition now to talk about our minds. And I know we've touched on different ways in which our minds approach meditation. So I would love to hear more on that.

Kristina Kaiser  10:32

So I think in my story, one of the things that I absolutely love about meditation is that all the busy-ness starts to slow down, things tend to feel clearer. Or just, I don't know, not charged, emotionally, sometimes. 

So I think, Chris, you mentioned the word "light," at one point. I think words are super helpful sometimes for me to be able to have a word that I can focus on, whether it's the word "peace" or "light" is another, or just that phrase, "be still and know that I am God," to like, kind of move into that "Be still." It works! That when I do it, you know, multiple times: Take the inhale, exhale the word. Something changes in the way that my brain is working. 

And they have scientific, you know, chats about these types of things, that we open up our, maybe, it's our parasympathetic system, right, that fight, flight, or freeze can calm down. And the frontal lobe can start to work again. So if there is ever, like a, "Why do I keep coming back to this," type thing? How many revelations have come, either in the middle, or just after taking some time to get still and do these practices? So yeah, I think it really helps me slow my mind down, stop, kind of, all the running thoughts and scripts that are going in my head. It just tends to bring clarity.

Christina Roberts  12:07

I think, you know, there's the "focusing on something" in meditation, whether it be a word, a phrase, an image. So the article talking about kids meditating, they're often invited to think of a happy place or a calming place. And that's their kind of go to for their meditation. Or maybe they're invited to draw pictures or to use watercolors. And so, again, their body is engaged in, maybe some sort of creativity. Or, maybe having something in their hands to, kind of, release that energy, like you were talking about Kristina. 

But I have really found a stretching of my meditation practice, in kind of the traditional sense, Chris, what you're talking about the centering prayer, which really is about letting go of the thoughts and not engaging in the thoughts, which I think can be super challenging. And there's all sorts of different analogies that people use around this. So one analogy is a river, kind of, floating past you and your thoughts are just kind of floating down the river. And you know, you see that. There are thoughts going there, but you're not picking them up and engaging with them. Or maybe you're sitting behind a waterfall, kind of same thing where there's just the stream of consciousness going. 

And I think that it can sometimes feel frustrating if we are in that sort of centering prayer meditation, where it is about stillness and emptying and letting go of all the busy-ness and thoughts. It's like we're constantly realizing: There's another, there's another, there's another thought! And so we're constantly having to return back to God in that letting go space. 

And I think it's Sharon Salzberg, who said: The healing is in the return. And I don't know if she was necessarily talking about that this particular concept of centering prayer, but I have taken that phrase, so helpfully that, when I returned to God, and in that place of the busy mind, and going back, there is a healing there of just the returning over and over again. It seems to do something to my spirit and recognizing that there's a lot going on in there. And just that simple returning practice seems to be the practice when I'm engaging with centering prayer.

Chris Roberts  14:07

Yeah, I really like that you brought that up, Christina. I found that in my practice of centering prayer, whenever I incorporate that into my daily life, it is a healing process for myself. And one of the things that's come up for me is, you know, I have a pretty busy mind. And whenever I am engaging in the practice of centering prayer, my mind can often be focused on me, my circumstances, my situations, a little bit myopic. And whenever I engage in the practice of centering prayer, it returns me to this place of: I'm connected to this larger network of life. And I find myself not being as myopic and focused on my problems or my circumstances. And I have the capacity for a larger view. And so that's how it's really helped my mind so that after the practice of centering prayer, I'm not constantly spinning or working in my mind about my problems and my circumstances. I find that I'm more wide open to the larger world. 

Christina Roberts  15:26

Yeah, and I think Ruth Haley Barton uses the analogy of kind of a jar, that when we shake the jar, and there's all the sediment floating around, and then when that stillness comes, all the sudden sediment can float to the bottom, and there's a little bit more clarity. So I appreciate what you're saying, Chris, about post-meditation. Usually, there's that settling-ness, that we are then approaching the next thing that we have to do. 

Which I think kind of ties into spirit, and as we are practicing these things, there's something going on that I would say is a little bit mystical, and something that we can't quite grasp. In the Bible that talks about: You don't know where the spirits coming from and where it's going. There seems to be this mystery around spirit. 

And years ago, when I was first learning about some of these meditation practices, one of my instructors used the analogy of photosynthesis, and how, when the soil sits in the sun, there is something happening. And in order for photosynthesis to happen, there has to be that sitting in the sun and soaking in whatever nourishment and rays that the sun gives to that particular plant or soil. And there's something going on underneath the surface that we can't necessarily pinpoint or point to. And I have found that really helpful, because there is something sort of deeper going on that I think is beyond words. And it requires a little bit of trust and faith in God and Spirit and the practice of: Together, we're engaging in this God. And it seems like nothing's happening. I can't point to: What did you do for the last, you know, 10 minutes? I just sat and quiet. And yet I think that there is something very deep going on within our spirits.

Kristina Kaiser  16:56

Yes, Oh, my gosh, I feel like the sense of connection that I will be able to feel, the frustrations that I was feeling, oftentimes, you know, maybe with another human...probably in my house...It just dissipates. It dissolves. And there's this sense of...oftentimes, when I start a meditation, I'll think like: Oh, maybe I'm gonna do gratitude or something. Or: I'm gonna do senses. I'll make a choice, and then I'll start doing them really fast, and I'll realize, "You don't have to go that fast!" And so, by the time that I'm done, there is a real sense of gratitude, of thankfulness. It goes back to that whole: Why worry about things? Don't you see the lilies of the field and how...It somehow has settled, as you say, like right in that spirit place, so that there is this sense of: Yes! Peace, care, being taken care of, thankfulness, thankful to be connected to other humans. So yeah, it changes things.

Christina Roberts  17:54

And maybe one other thing that I'll offer, again, going back to my Greek Orthodox upbringing, we would often use oils and myrrh and things like that for different times of the year, different liturgies. And I love the lingering smells of some of those things. And in addition to that, in yoga, one of the yoga instructors here in town, she will often give us at the end of class, either some oils that we can rub on our hands, and then tend to our hands to smell. Or she'll give us a cloth with a different smell. And there's something about when I breathe in the smell of the oil. There's something about that, that engages me into a deeper way. And it really does disengage my mind, if you will. And it's like: There's something going on deeper. My body is in whatever position it's in. My mind is clear. And something about engaging in those smells, it's like it's sort of like nourishment, right down to my spirit, if you will, on that level. So, you know, I think that that's just, again, so many wonderful, creative ways that we can engage with meditation practices. 

So hopefully, today you have found something inspiring or that you can latch on to for your own practice. And again, if you have some questions, or you know, sometimes, you know, again, we can hear these things, and it's like: Gosh, I have some questions. Who might I talk to about meditation? We would love for you to talk to us, so you can feel free to reach out at info@thecontemplativelife.net. And if there's questions or things that you want to talk regarding meditation, we would love to have that conversation with you.

Well at this time, we're going to transition into what we are into this week.

Kristina Kaiser  19:36

I am into walking, which I, like Chris and Christina Roberts, they are all about the walking. They've been walkers long before ne. But I'm like a "perfect situation walker," and so summer offers more of them. And when my husband and I were kids, like we were kind of young and sort of getting to know one another, we would take these long walks, like, all-night-long walks, which, we are not in a season of life to do that. But we are in a season of life to be able to put the little ones to bed and let the older one just keep an ear out and we can go on a walk. And we have really been like: Look at that sunset! And look at those beautiful flowers! And smell that wonderful air! And it has just been all the glory. So I'm very thankful for walking these days.

Chris Roberts  20:27

Well, I am into evening singalongs. So one of the things that we've been doing at our house over the summer is, in the evening, we have our instruments out and we have the Pandora or Apple Music on, and songs are coming on, and we've been, sort of, playing along. But what's been really fun is we've been playing our favorite singable songs and so we've had a couple of friends over and we've been just belting out these songs and having a fun time with music in the evening. So I've been into evening singalongs

Christina Roberts  21:07

And I have been into kayaking. So I just went kayaking for the first time in my life a week ago. I've been canoeing as a kid and young adult but never kayaking, and it was really fun! I will say that our lake had a lot of lily pads. And, well, there were some moss, which was a little bit gross. But then we got to this lily pad section, and it was just lovely to all the lily pads. So I am into kayaking. 

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