Ep 53 The Great Shift

It turns out there’s a big trend going on in our society right now. In 2021, over 1 million people left their jobs. And if the statistics are correct, over 95% of people have considered, or are considering, leaving their jobs. But, while some of these shifts may be due to the desire for things like higher pay or better benefits, many are leaving over questions of meaning and purpose. Something in us is asking: Why am I here? What do I want my life to be about? 

And so in today’s episode, we talk about three major components that have contributed to this amazing phenomenon. And we offer up some resources that may help others who are currently exploring these very same questions. Let’s ask the questions together! 

Additional Resources

Book: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
Website: www.thecontemplativelife.net for retreats, classes, and spiritual companioning 

#burnout
#achievement
#rest
#emotion 

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Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

burnout, emotional exhaustion, pandemic, great resignation

Dominic Kaiser  00:06

Welcome to The Contemplative Life: Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens.

Christina Roberts  00:14

I'm Christina Roberts.
I'm Chris Roberts.
I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us. 

Christina Roberts  00:24

Hello, it is great to be with you. Today we are going to be talking about The Great Shift. If you are listening to this in real time, it is January of 2022 and we are experiencing what has been called The Great Resignation as it relates to work this past year during the pandemic. This means that large numbers of people are quitting their jobs for a variety of reasons.  I've been reading different news sources and magazines and according to all these sources, over a million people have quit their jobs since April.  What astounded me was I read that 95% of workers are considering quitting their jobs with the biggest group of those landing in the ages 30 to 45. As researchers are diving into what this means, it's not necessarily just about wanting a higher pay or more time off. But there seems to be this larger question going on of Why is it exactly that we're enduring the daily grind? What is the meaning of our work? Why do we do work? 

And so as a result, we've sort of come into the space that some folks are calling the great shift. We're shifting our questions, we're shifting our focus of how we want work to look like. And so today, I'd like to talk about how the contemplative intersects with the great shift, because I think that there's a lot that the contemplative life has to offer. And it's probably not surprising, but these articles that I'm reading named burnout as one of the number one reasons that people are leaving. And there's an interesting book that I've not read, but I heard an interview with doctors, Emily and Amelia Nagoski.  Their book is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle and they identified three main components of burnout. And so I'd love to talk about those today and unpack the three components of burnout. 

The first one is emotional exhaustion.  And so I'd love to hear from you what we think about emotional exhaustion?

Kristina Kaiser  02:24

I feel like I totally get it. I resonate, and I sympathize with every single human that is quitting their job, and said, what else can possibly be in the world? And actually, I think this trend will extend. You know, I've even seen people posting about other activities that come after work, having sort of come back into play and feeling too tired. We were going on the cycle that we can't sustain, but I think no less true in our work. And so as people have made that choice, I am just such a cheerleader, because I think for years I've been sitting in my own experience of man, I feel tired. And how do I get this in control? Which I kind of like, because I like control so much. I try not to utilize that word. But how do I find a rhythm that really works? And so emotional exhaustion, it creates this problem where now you're just grumpy. Usually with the people that you love the most, the people closest to you, the people that you could really be yourself with. Only instead of really saying I just feel so stinking tired, right? You're saying something else. Like, you didn't do that?  And you didn't do that? Why do I always have to do everything for you? Yeah. But because it's just flowing over into the very next thing.  I'm so with you.

Chris Roberts  03:48

Yeah, I think something that comes to mind for me is this whole idea of emotional exhaustion is the ability to be able to even name one's emotions that they might have. So I think a lot of people aren't really good about naming their emotions. And so I think exhaustion can occur because we have all these feelings running through us at any given moment. And because we don't take the time to actually talk or think about the experience that we're emotional about, we just let it sort of stay in us and sit in us. And if you're holding all these emotions, because of your circumstances, your experiences, I can see how that would lead someone to exhaustion because there's no outlet for it. There's no way to release what it is that you're feeling or even to name it and identify it and then move forward. So I think that's something that comes up for me as we think about all these people that are emotionally exhausted. I think that life is at such a pace, that there is no time to contemplate, there is no time to evaluate. They're just sort of taking life as it comes. To them, and it leaves them exhausted as a, you know, as a byproduct.

Christina Roberts  05:03

Yeah. And I think during the pandemic, and of course, we're still kind of in some of the aftermath of walking through that. There's this, I think hunkering, and let's just, you know, get through this. And I think there's a lot of resiliency that human beings have. And I think that burnout tends to be a gradual nature, right? There's an erosion of the soul. And so it's not like we, one day we're finding the next day, we're not, there's just kind of this chipping away. And I think both of what you guys are talking about, there seems to be a cumulative effect of that. And then finally, we reached that point where we are emotionally exhausted and can't do it anymore. And it's interesting, because, you know, the cure for burnout is rest. And that can mean different things. It can mean, you know, physical rest, replenishment, renewal, mental rest from all the stresses, etc. And when we're in that grind that so many of us are experiencing that cure, it's really hard to come by, because we're not taking the time to have those pauses, those breaks, those reflection times, because we're just going at that fast pace that you are both mentioning. So that feels very real.

Kristina Kaiser  06:02

As I'm listening to you guys talk, I'm thinking about what it means because we don't often know how to say what we even need, right? So if your job says, oh, in exchange for working super long hours, we'll have a pizza party.  A pizza party is not what you need, right. And so it feels very difficult sometimes to be able to just say to somebody, I don't need a pizza party, I need rest, I don't need to work all night long. And then show back up at work first thing in the morning, as if I had just had a good night's sleep. My husband has a job like that where he works on computers, if things go down, you fix it all night long. And then you just turn right back around and show up the next day.  Pizzas are not going to solve that problem for people.

Christina Roberts  06:47

Yeah, and I think CEOs are thinking… I was listening to a podcast recently, and were working in wellness because they want to retain their employees, because so many people are shifting. And you're right, if we're not creating that we can name this as difficult or we have these situations and creating space for that. Again, the cycle just goes on and on. So yes, emotional exhaustion is our first component of burnout. 

The second piece that they name is lack of accomplishment. What do we think about that?

Kristina Kaiser  07:15

I have certainly sat in this space many times. And actually, it really helps if I can sit down and get still for a little bit and kind of name out. What do I do again?  What do I need in order to feel accomplished? And I think just personality based feeling like I've accomplished something is really important. And that's sometimes easier to achieve, and sometimes not and, and I can easily get into such an exhausted space of getting over excited about finishing a spreadsheet, like the things that don't actually matter as much to me. So even that can be a red flag for me. But to really sit down and name what I really need. And sometimes just in writing down some of that stuff, some of those grandiose things that were weighing on me and making me feel so bad can take, they can become a little lesser than when I was sitting and letting it ruminate. But that still space is really necessary. When I start reeling about this was supposed to be different in some way.

Chris Roberts  08:20

I think it's important to consider what an accomplishment is to each individual. Because I know lots of people that have these lists, and to check off their list is something that feels really good. It feels like an accomplishment to them. That does not feel like an accomplishment to me. But I think one thing that feels like an accomplishment to me is making a new connection or having a new experience. And just because we're all so wired differently, we're just all wired differently. I think it's important to know what is an accomplishment to you as an individual. I think we have people that are setting precedents for what an accomplishment is. And I think your own soul knows what is an accomplishment for you. I think that's important to get in touch with.

Christina Roberts  09:14

And I find it interesting, this idea of a great shift that we're shifting our questions and our focus and so accomplishment is becoming less.  And of course, we do want good pay and solid hours and all of that. But what is this for? What's the meaning? Why am I getting up and doing this day in and day out? What's behind this something deeper?  I think that it seems that society is craving some of these questions that we're asking. And so again, it's not necessarily even lateral moves of what this person's going to pay me $3 more an hour. It's what I really want to be doing with my life and investing in those sorts of questions, which I think are much different than, you know, some of the accomplishments type things that we tend to think of. And I think you're right, Chris that does come in, in sitting with our own souls and being able to name some of that stuff bringing some of that stuff out.

Chris Roberts  09:59

I think one of the things that also kind of comes up for me in this, you know, Brene, Brown does a lot of work about shame.  And one of the things that she says with scarcity, people are not really believing the lie that we don't have enough. And she has this quote that says the opposite of scarcity is not having enough, but it's that you are enough. You know, I think people are coming into that, that I am enough. And so if you're starting with that as a foundation of being or living in life, I am enough. And so therefore, I want to do something that is rewarding. That's a great space for people to come into. So that's what comes up for me as we think about accomplishment as well. 

Christina Roberts  10:46

And then the third piece that these doctors highlight is depletion of empathy.   That when we are nearing burnout, we no longer have empathy. So I wonder what you guys think about that.

Kristina Kaiser  10:58

I feel like it is so completely another way that I can see if I'm feeling burned out if someone is speaking to me, and what's going through my head is I just can't. I can't hear this.  I can't experience this with you.  I’ve got to find myself again. And so I think that notion of burnout stays here, whether we're talking about our own personal emotion, or whether we're able to invest in somebody else's emotion, it's still just all part of that burnout situation.

Chris Roberts  11:36

Yeah, I think the depletion of empathy, I think the opposite of empathy is judgment. And I think it's so easy just to go around judging other people. Instead of being curious, or having a mindset of listening to their experience or their story, it's just so much easier to cast these little judgments that we have, on why people are the way that they are, why people do the things that they do. And so if it's easier, because you don't have the time to actually listen to a story, I can see how the depletion of empathy is probably rampant. 

Kristina Kaiser  12:20

In the workforce I think it's gonna play itself out. And, oh, that other department over there is busy?  Tough.  I can't take on anything, I can't be bothered with the fact that you have a problem, I have enough problems of my own.  It kind of creates these strong silos, and things just can't get done. Because there's not that sense of cooperation going on, you know, really, we were meant to be a communal people, we were meant to live in cooperation. But when we're too tired, we just can't, we can't do it.

Christina Roberts  12:52

And I think part of why I wanted to bring this up today was just to, again, sort of name what's happening on a societal level. And even as I'm reading these articles that I'm thinking through and  scanning through who I meet within a given month, whether it be you know, with some of my work with spiritual direction, or cohorts that I'm involved with here, locally, pastoring, etc. I'm like, You know what, yep, I would say that's probably true that 95% of the people that I'm talking to have maybe at least considered quitting their job, or shifting or doing something different. As I'm reading this, it's like, Yep, I'm kind of scanning through people and thinking, that has been people's stories, and just really live questions of I'm not quite sure what to do. 

Or maybe they're not to that point. But certainly, kind of the three things of emotional exhaustion, the lack of accomplishment and depletion of empathy. I think for some folks, it is like, I am at the end of myself, and I need to stop and rest. And do I have the courage and the wherewithal to name that and to do that?  And I think for others it is, there is something in me stirring and longing for more and the paycheck and whatever isn't enough anymore. And I want to kind of go deeper. 

Thank you so much. For this generative conversation, it's been really helpful. 

Well, this is the part of our podcast where we talk about what we are into this week. And I want to go first just because I don't want Chris to steal because we may be into the same things, maybe not.  But I am into our new mattress. Oh, he is rolling his eyes as I say that. We recently celebrated our 21st anniversary. And so we decided to splurge on this amazing mattress. And not only is it like this cool mattress, but it's like the bed elevates and you can like elevate up while you're reading or do your foot elevated. And it's like, so fancy schmancy. And I like going to bed at night because I can't wait to get into my new bed and mattress. So that is what I am into this week. 

Chris Roberts  15:50

I am physically into that as well, I have to be in the same bed. So. But that wasn't what I was going to be into this week. We had an experience last week where it was getting colder. And there was an issue with our car, and the battery died. And so we had jumper cables ready to jump the car. But for some reason, the jumper cables didn't work. And so I realized it's because the ends are rusty or whatever. And so, you know, I went through this super long experience of trying to charge the battery so we can get it going. And so I have found these little handy diehard sort of jumpstarts that are wireless and you don't have to plug it in anywhere you just put it on your car battery. I have been into these little battery jumpstarts. I've got two of them, one for each car. So if we were out in the battery, because of the cold in Wisconsin, you got to really think ahead, you do not want to be stranded. So I've been into researching these little battery jumpstarts. And we now have one for each car. So that's what I've been into.

Christina Roberts  17:05

Nice. I saw those boxes. I didn't know what they were for.

Chris Roberts  17:10

She probably wouldn't even know how to use it if it happened anyway.

Christina Roberts  17:13

I wouldn’t but I'm so appreciative that you are thinking ahead, thank you. Okay, I'm having a moment.

Kristina Kaiser  17:19

I would definitely need someone to pull over and help me to or at least be able to have somebody talk me through it on the phone, but still, how exciting. And the mattress, I think you just don't get a new mattress every day. So it is worth celebrating when one gets a new mattress. Ah, well, I don't think mine is that exciting. But I am super into turkey broth these days. So part of the fun to me of making turkey is creating the broth afterwards. And I just find it to be the best. And so we did that. And we froze a bunch of it. And so every time I have a recipe now that calls for broth I just get so excited about it. So last year, I actually made three turkeys just to get more broth. So I think I don't I probably won't do that again this year. I was in a different space, but I'm going to savor that turkey broth for all that it's worth.

Christina Roberts  18:17

Yum, that sounds really good. 

Well, thanks so much for joining us today. And as you may have picked up on, we really value community and relationships here at The Contemplative Life.  We would love it if you took a moment to drop us a line. Maybe tell us where you're listening from. We have these little statistical things that show that people from different parts of the world are listening to us. How fun. Who are you?  We want to know who you are. So please feel free to reach out if you want to give us some love and leave a review on iTunes that helps others to find us. So until next time, make it a great week. Thanks.