Ep 26 Contemplative Joy Hacks

Today we’re talking about things we can do in order to boost that sense of joy in our lives, for which, the contemplative can really help us on this front because, it just so happens, that the contemplative is a great teacher of things like “the gifts of savoring the moment” and “living with intention.” 

And the best news in all of this is, even if finding the gratitude points in our lives doesn’t come naturally, thanks to neuroplasticity, we have our entire lives to learn and adapt new ways of being. And so when we feel emotionally stuck, or when we are feeling the struggle of our lives intensely, contemplative joy hacks can be a real help. 

#Gratitude
#SpiritualCompanioning
#JoiedeVivre
#Neuroplasticity  

Additional Resources:
Book: The Joy Diet by Martha Beck
Book: The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield

For Transcript:
Go to the "Transcript" Tab.
If you are in a player that does not have the Transcript Tab, use the link below:
https://thecontemplativelife.buzzsprout.com/1642654/8887421-ep-26-contemplative-joy-hacks

Transcript

 SUMMARY KEYWORDS

contemplative, joy, contentment, thankful, experience, laugh, intention, gratitude, spiritual, martha beck, savoring

Dominic Kaiser: 00:00

Welcome to the contemplative life. Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens. 

I'm Christina Roberts.
I'm Chris Roberts.
I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us.  

Kristina: 00:22

Hello, thanks for being with us today. So today we are talking about something that we are calling "Contemplative Joy Hacks," or things that we can do in order to boost that sense of joy in our lives. And so if you follow these podcasts, you may know that this has been a big theme for me this year. I've been reading a lot of books on joy, and tons of favorites, but among my favorites is one called "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beck, which, I just found her I found her practical. I found her funny, engaging, like, all the things. She's a very easy read. And so in her book, she, for instance, talks about this idea of making a gratitude list. It actually comes pretty late in the book, but she suggests making a list of at least 20 things that someone is grateful for. And I feel like a lot of us have heard about gratitude, but her "Why" was reasonably striking to me. 

So she says: Most of us are looking everywhere for happiness except in the bag of stuff that we haul around every day. But it's hard to worry about what you lack, when you're dancing in the street shouting, hallelujahs about the stuff you've already got. 

And so you know, gratitude is only one way in. There's certainly lots and lots of ways: Some people like to listen to music while they do dishes. That's my husband's thing. He's got a whole system for doing the dishes. Or, you know, I've enjoyed playing nature sounds while I work. There's something about that, that feels fun for me, especially when others realize it's not the actual outdoors. That, like, adds an extra little bit of joy to my life. [Laughing] Or the one that I recently discovered, "Haha Hoho Yoga," which, I was like, "that's not real." But it turns out that it is. You can go...and there are even testimonies of people feeling so serene after going to one of these Laughing Yoga classes. So lots of ways. 

But maybe it all falls under this idea that we tend to be looking for happiness all over the place, like everywhere, except for where we currently are. And so maybe I'll just pause there for a moment. What comes to mind for you guys as we start to talk about joy hacks? 

Christina: 02:34

Well, first of all, I have to say that there's no way we could let the podcast continue going on without devoting an episode to this because Kristina Kaiser is so into this topic. So thank you, Kristina, for leading out today. 

I think something that comes to mind for me, maybe not necessarily the word "Joy," but the word "Contentment." And I'm really mindful...There's a passage in the Bible that talks about learning the secret of "being content in all circumstances, whether you have plenty or little etc." And I've always been struck by that idea that somehow there's a secret to being content and to learning that, like, it's something that we actually have to learn. And I think these joy hacks that you're describing: the gratitude lists, etc. We're in different spaces. So if I'm in a struggle right now, what it means to find contentment and joy or gratitude in that space is much different than if things are going well. And one might think, "Oh, when things are going well, it is easy to express that joy." But actually again, I think it all has to be learned. Because sometimes we can be in that beautiful moment. But we're already thinking about the next moment, or we're not taking the time in to actually want what we have, to you're pointed to some of the quotes that you just mentioned by Martha Beck. And also, of course, in the adversity, what does it mean to learn the secret of contentment and finding some sort of joy or solace in that. And so that's where my mind goes immediately as we're talking about this topic.

Chris: 03:55

I find what Martha was talking about to be really refreshing. The things that we're already doing can bring joy to us, things that are already essential in our life. And I recall my daughters telling an experience about me dancing in the morning at breakfast time to music, and that's one way that I like to start my day. As I'm giving them oatmeal, I dance around, as we're just having breakfast and starting our day. And that's something that brings them joy. But it also brings me joy to see them sort of, "Oh, here's Dad at it again," type of thing. And I'm always looking for: What are the things that I'm currently doing in my life right now where I don't have an awareness of: That is actually  a place where I am having connection, not only to to myself, but I'm having connection with others. And: How can I become grateful, or joyful, in those moments. So that's kind of what comes up for me.

Christina: 05:05

I think that's important, just kind of naming that "being aware..." and I think that's all about the contemplative life is: Learning to be aware of the moment that you are in right now. And so soaking it up, savoring it, being there, being present. So I really appreciate what you're saying.

Kristina: 05:20

Yeah. And I don't know if this is true across the board for all people. But I feel like for me, this is really a matter of perspective on my day. In terms: "Why do I need this? Why does it matter?" I think I am just predisposed towards worry. And it doesn't matter how many times I might, for instance, read a scripture that says, "Don't worry," or an adage about, "Today is a gift." These are generally struggles for me. I will always be thinking about, "What's gonna come? And what can I prevent?" And so the mind is so busy and so active, and I have to have ways to pull myself out of it a little bit because of where my predisposition goes, I think. So, I don't know. Does that feel true to others? Or do you have your own reasons for needing this type of thing?

Chris: 06:12

I think that's probably the human condition, Kristina, is to want to fixate towards maybe the negative or fixate on lack or whatever. But I was recently reading a book, and this contemplative author and spiritual director...he does so many things...He was saying: The older we get and the older that he gets, the only three words or spiritual experience that he needs to have, is to say, "Thank you. Thank you, thank you." And I'm like, "Teally?! That's it?! The pinnacle of life is just to be able to say Thank You?" 

And so I think maybe because of the practices that he's put into his life. I don't think it's conjured, though I think my first reaction was, "Really, you're just conjuring up joy and gratitude all the time?" But I think it's something that we practice, something that we learn, we build that muscle. We grow into it. 

I found myself being thankful for an experience the other day where I was sort of in a humbling situation. I told the story, and it was humbling. It didn't go like I wanted it to. And then I was thankful for that experience because it could help me change into a more authentic, humble person, rather than this desired person that I want to be. And so even even that being thankful for what we call "negative experiences" in our lives, if we're being contemplative, if we're thinking about those, of course, being thankful will propel us into the future. So I think that's, that's what comes up to me as I think about your question, Kristina.

Christina: 08:13

That's actually quite profound, this idea of "thank you" as the pinnacle of our life and our experiences. And I don't think what we're talking about here is like a "happy, clappy, everything has to be great" kind of an attitude because that is not really what contemplative practices are about. 

I think it is noticing, naming, being present. And in that, you know, to your point, as I was listening to you, it's like: Oh, yeah. I can think of situations where, in the moment, this was a really awful situation. I felt bad about it or whatever. And so how do I take that and sit with it, and, again, allow myself to ask: What's the invitation here from God in that moment? And then from that comes either a place of contentment or possible joy, or whatever. And so I just maybe want to clarify for those listening that I don't think we're talking about...because all of life isn't happy 100% of the time, or joyful, or whatever. That is one emotion. That is one experience. 

But I think, Kristina, what I'm hearing from you is: What are ways that we can either number one: Dial that up a little bit, be aware of it, maximize it? Or, I think experience some things that would be maybe kind of bland or otherwise, that we can actually know that can actually be a really quick way of turning that around towards a joyful experience. If we're if we're noticing and paying attention. Is that true?

Kristina: 09:28

Yeah. I mean, even as you guys are talking, I'm reminded of all the literature on neuroplasticity, right? This idea that we can learn all the way through our lives, something about how we react to situations can adjust and how we see the world...And I'm very thankful for that because I think I am still working through those things even in the middle of my life. So yes, and I think in all the really good books that I read, each author does an amazing job of addressing struggle, of: Hey, if it's hard to be still, don't be still. Go for a walk. And if it's hard to laugh, scream or cry. And if you can't do anything, you can't access an emotion, go to a therapist because sometimes we need partnership. 

And we talk about spiritual companioning all the time here, right? Sometimes we need someone to come alongside of us in our story. So it's not cut and dry. But that predisposition in my own life...sometimes I have to set an intention to say, "When I leave whatever experience I'm having right now, instead of looking for the flaws of that experience, I'm going to celebrate what I really enjoyed in that experience." And I don't know...I think, outwardly speaking, I am a joyful person. People gain joy from being around me. But inwardly speaking, I'm critical. So, which I'm thankful for Chris's point that, "Some of what you're describing is human." But I'm aware of it, and I want it to be different. So I'm thankful for neuroplasticity in the brain. 

Chris: 11:09

And I think it's important to name that some people are, maybe, stuck, or they have these emotional blockers that keep them from these experiences. And so, I think that's a real thing that many people experience. And so I love your plug for therapy, or spiritual direction, or something where people can become aware of their own story. And we talked about this a lot, about becoming aware of your own story and how you can access the emotions that that you need to. Because if you're not experiencing any emotion at all, then that's an indicator of something deeper needing to happen in your life. So yeah, I appreciate your talking about that.

Christina: 12:01

Yeah, and I think too, again, I think we are oftentimes going towards self-sabotage, like, we sabotage the thing, or we criticize, or look at the flaws, like you're mentioning Kristina. And I do think it's important to, again, look for the other. So you know, the classic example: If you're going to buy a new Honda, all of a sudden you see Honda's on the road, right? Because you're looking for it, you're paying attention to that. 

And so, I remember at the very beginning of the pandemic, when it was just really heavy. Everybody was scared. We didn't know what this was going to be. We were isolated, and just feeling blah. And so I sat down and I made what I call "The Pleasures List," of "Okay, what are the things that bring me pleasure?" And some of them I can't do right now, because of the limitations. But I just made this big list, and that was my go-to of, "Okay, you know what, I can't do this. But I can do this. I can do that." And really taking those small, quote, "pleasures," and really just soaking it in, because I was so desperate for any sort of sense of that joy or that peace or that contentment. 

So I think that there is something to your intention that you mentioned, Kristina, of, "what are we intending? What are we looking for?" Because I think, usually, that's what we find, right? Seek and you shall find? And what are we seeking? Are we seeking all the negativity? Well, there's plenty of that. Or, and I loved how you also mentioned that (and I think you do,) you bring energy of joy to others when we're in your presence. And I think that with all of us, there's either people or places or activities, or music or whatever it is that there's something about that, that brings us that energy that we're talking about today, as opposed to the sucking-us-dry type of energy.

Kristina: 13:34

Yeah. And in that savoring and in that intention, right, if there's anything I've learned about people that are super good at contemplative, they use these words "savoring" and "intention" a lot. So even at our dinner table, I can either set an intention of: Don't eat like that, sit like this, do this, do that. I can have a very critical intention for the meal. Or! We've kind of started this whole habit of telling positive stories or our Joie de Vivre for the day. And now the kids will bring it up because they know that there's something that they want to share that was really exciting. But at first, because that wasn't our usual dinner, they were like, "Why are we doing this?" 

And I think that's true in our own body, too, right? We're so used to...Actually another thing that she brings up in her book is that children tend to laugh something like 400 times a day. And adults tend to laugh something like 15 times a day, like, we just bring it way down. And I can see how that could happen. Right? If you're at your computer and you're working, there's not a lot of opportunity. So she recommends a minimum of, like, 30 laughs a day, which is probably facetious. It's impossible to tally. But if you're proficient laugher, maybe like 100 laughs a day. And I have found that, yes, when I am intentional about that, there is a qualitative difference in my day. And when I just get really bogged down, I'll get a headache. I'll begin to realize that something in my body is not well, and it's telling me that it's not well. So how do I come out of it? How do I find that? So yeah, intention.

Christina: 15:20

Well, for those who have listened today, I want to give a plug that if you want to talk more about this, you can directly reach out to Kristina or on our YouTube channel, Kristina pops in there often to give some of her Joy Hacks. So I want to encourage everyone to check that out.

Kristina: 15:34

Yay! Yes, thank you. Well, it's been a really fun conversation. I am personally excited that we get to talk about this. And, you know, hopefully it'll like just always sneak its way in in some way.

Well, why don't we take a moment to go to "the things that we are into" as the next part of our podcast. So what do you guys into lately? 

Christina: 16:00

Well, I am into Patio Parties. It is that time of year where everyone's busting out on the patio. And this past weekend we had an outdoor wedding, which included an outdoor rehearsal and the reception was out on a patio, followed by a friend of ours who's in a band. (Shout out to the Emmy Lous. They had an outdoor patio performance that we got to see.) And so just really fun being on patios, seeing under umbrellas, drinking cool drinks and enjoying people in sun. So that is what I am into.

Chris: 16:29

Nice! Well, I have, for better or worse, been into classic rock music. One of my children loves classic rock; she's sort of an old soul. And she is really excited for me to teach her how to play the electric guitar. And so I've been brushing up on some of my classic rock riffs. And she is excited for me to teach her some of these riffs mostly so she can go into a guitar shop, play it, and then lift her hands up and say, "I am a god!" So I have been into classic rock riffs with one of my children.

Kristina: 17:12

Awww, that makes me so happy. I feel like sometimes our kids hear the music of yester-year, and they're like, “What is this?"  So yay! Enjoy that she will embrace it!

I've been into the notion of Buddhist psychology lately. I've been reading this book, "The Wise Heart" by Jack Kornfield, and he talks a lot about how Buddhism is just as much psychology as anything. And he shares throughout the book about how that's true. And I've found the stories in his book so relatable and calming. So that is what I'm into lately. 

Well, thank you everybody for joining us today. And if I can just say: If you have been listening to our podcast and you are enjoying it, we would be so grateful if you would maybe share about this podcast with a friend, or maybe write a review on iTunes because those reviews and ratings and people sharing is a great way for other people to find us. And so thank you so much for anything that you might do to help others find us that way. And then of course, as always, we invite you to go ahead and check out thecontemplativelife.net. There's additional resources there and upcoming events are always posted there as well. So thanks so much for joining us today. We will look forward to being together again soon. Bye, everybody.