Ep 27 Invitation to Rest

Today we talk about rest! As we begin to move towards post-pandemic life, some of us have questions: Do we like our old pace? Are there rhythms we’ve enjoyed that we want to keep?

Today we talk about the many benefits of rest. Because let’s face it, productivity is great! It’s caused lots of advancement in our society. But what would healthy rhythms look like for us personally? 

#FourQuadrants
#Sabbath
#LifeStages
#Seasons 

Additional Resources:
Image: Four Quadrants by Stephen Covey. Also here.
Self-Directed Retreat: Rest & Renewal Retreat
Noom App: Find it here

For Transcript:
Go to the "Transcript" Tab.
If you are in a player that does not have the Transcript Tab, use the link below:
https://thecontemplativelife.buzzsprout.com/1642654/8874758-ep-27-invitation-to-rest

Transcript

 SUMMARY KEYWORDS

rest, quadrant, pandemic, contemplative, retreat, culture

Dominic Kaiser:  00:00

Welcome to the contemplative life. Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens:

I'm Christina Roberts. 
I'm Chris Roberts. 
I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you join us. 

Christina: 00:21

Hello! It is great to be with you. Today we are going to be talking about rest. I have been reading so much lately about people's thoughts around post pandemic life compared to pandemic live and this sort of interim space that we're in. And both on a personal level with just individuals I'm talking to, and different news sources. You know, there's this sense of: We've had this, 15, 16 months of slower pacing, rest...And now, all of a sudden, the summer camps are opening. The restaurants are opening. Our calendars are filling up similar to kind of pre pandemic life. And I think there's some questions around that. Do we like that pace? Do we want to return to that? Or are there some new rhythms that we may be drawn to? And so we want to just take some time to talk about: What does it mean to be invited to rest? What does that look like? And why would one want to choose that, especially in our culture, that really values productivity, work, etc. So that's what we're going to be exploring today.

Kristina: 01:25

So I think this is a super valuable topic. I definitely, in my own pandemic world developed some new habits, right? Because life always was a Super Run for me. And I have noticed when I started to take my daily time, and get still...I think, first of all, how I was managing it in the past was lists. So I'm going to get all my work done by making a list. I'm going to cross things off, and that'll keep me on track. But there was never time for really quality rest on a regular day by day basis. 

So in the pandemic, I started with a 15 minutes sit. And immediately, I noticed that I have a number of things that play in my head. I tend to call them scripts,  things that I am telling myself. They're just automatic, they're beliefs that I seem to carry around. So things like: I don't have time for this; the kids are gonna need me later. And so I need to be moving and going. And my reading for work totally counts as rest, right? Some people would read during their rest time. I was scooting around it and noticing all the guilt. And so I would notice, like, "Oh, I have a judgment there on myself, I don't believe that I deserve rest." So I had to kind of work through that a little bit. So I'll just say, as we get going, I feel this, like at the core of my being.

Chris: 02:55

Yeah, and I think rest, or the invitation to rest, has been something that I've grown in personally. I think I, like most people, got a lot of value out of productivity. I think our culture is utilitarian. And there's these value systems that we have around how much work we get done. And I would say that the pandemic has been great in this notion of: Everything has slowed down. 

But I think for me, personally, I've I think I've been invited to rest for a long time. And those invitations look different, I think, for different people. I personally would, sort of, go, go go. And I lived in these quadrants of, I think, Stephen Covey talks about the Four Quadrants. And I don't know them all by heart, but: Important, Not Urgent, and, you know, all the different sort of spaces that we live our life. And I would go go go, and then I would have a meltdown. And I would hang out in quadrant four. So my wife would always sa, "You're in quadrant one and four." 

And I don't think I'm above living in quadrant one and four anymore, but I feel like I'm growing into an awareness of my body, my soul, my mind needs rest. And so I'm always looking for ways to respond to that invitation. So that's what comes up for me.

Christina: 04:50

Maybe I'll just offer clarification for those who maybe aren't familiar with Stephen Covey's work because I do think this is a really helpful grid and Quadrant One is Urgent & Important. So it's things that immediately need our attention. And they're important things. So maybe a phone call, a text, a doorbell rings, something urgent, where, if someone's ringing your door, you need to go respond. Quadrant Two is Important, But Not Urgent. So these are things that are really meaningful in our lives. You know, such as, maybe taking a walk, for example. That's important for our health, but it's not urgent. No one's going to come chasing you down if you didn't go on a walk or exercise today. Quadrant Four that Chris is referring to is Not Important And Not Urgent. And so that would be things like binging on Netflix, etc. And so, I think often in our culture, we can live in Quadrant Nne, which is the Urgent and Important. Everything has to get done right now, right now, right now. And then we kind of burn out and fry, and then we end up in Quadrant Four, which is: I want nothing. I want to just veg, don't talk to me. Don't do anything. And I think that, that's typically the patterns that we find ourselves in, where that Quadrant Two space is: It's Important, But It's Not Urgent, so we kind of have to create time for it or make space for it, which I would argue: I think rest is one of those things. It's super important. But, again, our culture isn't chasing us down to do it. So often, we have to make those choices around that.

Kristina: 06:16

Yeah. And I think scientifically, I started seeing all the data and reading this idea of: When you rest, you're going to be more productive. Your brain is going to function better, your body's going to function better. So you can know something, right? So now I have this information, that says this will be better, but you need it experientially, right? And so as I started doing that, in the pandemic, I started realizing: Oh, yeah! As I got still, tons of ideas would come to mind that were reasonable and rational and not emotion driven. And I could go have quick conversations that would settle things really fast, and we'd have a whole new direction to move in and everything was fine. So experientially, I started taking that in too. It wasn't just information. It wasn't just data. So now I feel...But even though I'm saying "now I feel," I know, I will still need more motivation in the future. I will wane again. And I will need more help with this again, in the future.

Christina: 07:20

Yeah, and it's interesting, and I hear what you're saying. And there are definitely lots of books around the science. And I totally understand the space that we create, you know, the classic example of: The best ideas come in the shower, right? Because you're not, you know thinking about anything, and you kind of have a blank space. 

And also, I think, you know, I have talked to some different people. And it's like, they want to go on a retreat or have extended rest so that they can basically go back and crank out again, as opposed to just valuing rest for rest, and seeing the recreation as something you don't have to justify. I think sometimes we can get caught up in mental gymnastics or having to explain why, Kristina, to your point: I don't deserve rest. Those scripts that run through our brain, I think those are so common that, particularly our culture, really reinforces some of those ideas. And it really takes a conscious choice of: No, actually, I'm going to rest in it. And if I want to read a magazine right now, or go and play tennis or whatever it is, I don't have to justify or explain myself in that. It is okay to do that. And I think that that's something that's really lost in our culture.

Chris: 08:21

Yeah. And I find myself surrounded by a lot of people that want to do this thing of going on a Silent Retreat. And I think we all enter into maybe doing something like that for different reasons, right? Like going on a Silent Retreat, or going to find rest or this notion of a sabbatical. And I think I'm often having to bite my tongue about their motivations of why they want to do it. Because I feel like, sometimes, we arrive to this place of needing rest. And "what we think we need," and "what we actually need" are two different things. And so I think rest: we all need rest. But why do we need rest, I think understanding "the Why" is super important. And that's where I really have appreciated the contemplative approach to rest, because we're all different. We all have different reasons for rest, we all arrive to our own conclusions for why our souls need rest. And so I think anybody who wants to do a Silent Retreat or some sort of personal retreat, I think that's a great thing to do. But I think asking the question of: Why? Why do I feel like this is going to be good for me? Why do I feel like this is going to be, for lack of better words, what you said, Christina, earlier: Why is this going to propel me forward? And not so you can get more work done, but so that you can have the life and live the life that you want to live. And so I feel like a lot of people are responding to this invitation to rest. But I'm just sort of interested in "the why" behind why people want to rest.

Christina: 10:00

Well I wonder, too: I was just reading a news article about, like in April, how many millions of people have quit their jobs? Right. And so I think that there's just this extreme burnout. And, you know, it's restaurant workers, hospitality industry, all across the different spectrums. And so I think that there's just, in general, we're tired, we're worn out. And so I think sometimes even...because I think people come to a place where it's like, "I'm just tired." I don't have words, I don't have articulation of why and all these deep reasons, except for just, I am bone tired. And I can no longer go on with this pace because I'm feeling sick in my body. I'm crabby to the people that I love. The stress is taking its toll. 

And not that you have to go on retreat. I know, we're kind of talking about this now. But one thing that I found really freeing is a spiritual director that years ago was talking about the rhythms of rest in our lives. He said: You know, oftentimes when someone goes away for a day, or whatever it is, the first thing that they do is take a nap. And I want you to do that. Don't feel guilty, like: I'm on this retreat. Now I have to have all these like insights or gain this perspective. If your body needs to take a nap, take a nap. Sometimes you might need two or three naps, and that's okay. And again, you don't have to go away on a retreat. Maybe it's just taking a Saturday and saying, "Okay, I'm going to consciously choose to rest today. Maybe it's turning off devices or choosing to take a nap or whatever it is that refreshes you." And I think to your point, Kristina, the scripts are gonna come, you know, it's not like; I've decided to do this, and now everything's gonna be hunky dory. I think sometimes we have to kind of wade through some of these waters. And even if we do feel guilty or feel lazy, or whatever it is, that's okay. Again, it's a practice, like anything else that we do. It can be awkward at first, but the more we do it, I think the more that we can sort of lean into that and find our pace and rhythm.

Kristina: 12:18

Yes. And I think I am also encouraged by this notion of Stages of Life, that when we are in our earlier stages, we tend to be in that go-go state. And then over time, I think it is also true that we start to want to operate in a more specific vein. And we want the rest. And, yes! I have so for everyone that quit their jobs, like these articles, I was like: You go! Right? Because as I understand it, like they got a little bit better pay or whatever it is at this other place. But yes, I think there was a part of me that eventually, too, said, "You can't go at this pace. This is crazyness." But even now, I mean, I laid down yesterday after dinner, because I just felt tired. And the kids we're like, "Are you okay, mom? Is everything all right?" And I was like, "Yes. I'm just sleepy." So, yes! I think giving ourselves that permission, and then experientially walking it out is all part of the story.

Chris: 13:27

I think we're saying that more people probably need to respond to rest. I think this is the conversation that we're having. But I also think that there is something to seasons, right? Like, even if we follow the earth's rhythms, there's these seasons that we go through. And sometimes we have a season of work and getting things done and productivity. Productivity is great. It's caused lots of advancements for our society, wonderful advancements. But I think what we're saying as well is: Life is out of balance for some people. And so what would healthy rhythms look like? And I think that's one of the things that we're talking about.

Christina: 14:15

Yeah, I agree. That's good. And so, as part of this podcast, we wanted to offer what we're calling a Self-Directed Rest and Renewal Retreat, because obviously, we recognize that not everybody can just go away and have silent retreats, or whatnot. And so this is something online, if you go to thecontemplativelife.net, you'll see a tab and the self directed course, there is going to be an audio version that you can listen to, a downloadable workbook, and, at your own pace, taking some time to really reflect on: What does rest look like for me? And what are some of my barriers to rest? And again, rest isn't a one-size-fits-all. So what might refresh me isn't going to refresh Kristina or Chris in the same way or someone who's listening. And so really kind of getting in touch with that...and we'll look at some Bible verses and some cultural dynamics and hopefully to help us to get a little bit sharper and at ease at responding to that invitation of rest. So thanks so much. I've appreciated this conversation today. 

And on that note, we're going to transition into what we are into this week.

Kristina: 15:24

So I am into the Noom App. I don't know if you guys are familiar, but it's like the "psychology of why you eat and how you eat." So, I had found that I had fallen into some old habits, and I know better! So I've enjoyed that they have these short little articles every day, and I get all giddy and excited to read them. And there's a little group where you get to share about various things in your life. So I have enjoyed my Noom App the last few weeks.

Chris: 15:59

Awesome. Well, I have been into sort of teaching my kids little practical life lessons. I have had some opportunities to teach them how to do specific things related to yard work. We have found some bicycles that needed repair, and they like to try to fix their own bicycles, but eventually they end up coming to get me. And we found a bicycle that somebody didn't want. And it just needed an inner tube and needed some some small things. And so I've been able to teach my kids some of these little life skills of how to repair things, how to do yard work. And so I've, I've really enjoyed the time that I've been able to spend with my kids doing these small little tasks.

Christina: 16:50

Well, I have been into barbecue. And so not only is my husband a really good griller, but my sister in law was recently visiting from Texas. And so just getting on the conversation about Texas barbecue, which is something that they specialize in, and we have a barbecue place near us And the entrepreneur went to Austin for awhile, like a month, or maybe even years, to learn the art of smoked meats and whatnot. And so I just find myself really appreciating the taste of smoked and grilled meats in new ways. And it is, like, you can take a chicken and, somehow, when you cook it in different ways or have different sauces, it's like a completely different thing than baking or however else one would prepare it. So I am really appreciating barbecue. 

Well, thanks for joining us. As always, we appreciate you listening in every week. For those who have been enjoying the podcast, we would so appreciate it if you would take a moment to rate or review. That helps others on ITunes to find us and to get our material out there. So until next time, make it a great week and see you then