Ep 25 Burnout

Today we’re talking about burnout and how contemplative spirituality can help us. First, the good news: Burnout isn’t necessarily a bad place. And in fact, it could even be a great place. Find out why in this episode. 

#RuleOfLife
#Retreat
#Wilderness
#Awareness

Additional Resources:
Book: A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer
Book: Wisdom Distilled from the Daily by Joan Chittisster
Book: Joy Unspeakable by Barbara A Holmes

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Transcript

Ep 25 Burnout

Dominic Kaiser  0:09  

Welcome to The Contemplative Life. Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions, help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens. 

I'm Christina Roberts…
I'm Chris Roberts…
I’m Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you join us. 

Christina Roberts:  0:25  

It is great to be with you. Today we're going to be talking about burnout. And several years ago, I ran across a really helpful article that was talking about burnout, but they also used this new term called “brownout,” which I was not familiar with, but, it's essentially those signs and indicators that we can tend to feel right before we totally burn out. And there was something about that idea of a brownout that felt very freeing to me, because I think sometimes it can tell embarrassing to admit that we are either burnt out or on the way towards burnout. And yet, I think that that's exactly where the intersection of contemplative spirituality can help us is in those moments of recognizing: we feel a little misaligned; we feel a little off. Or we're just totally fried, and when I think about what I have to do, most of my day I feel dread. Those are indicators that we are either rapidly approaching burnout there, or somewhere in brownout. So today we want to talk a little bit about that idea, and how we have found help through contemplative practices in our own lives.

Chris Roberts:  1:26  

Yeah, I think this is a very relevant topic, particular right now towards the tail end of the pandemic. One of the things that I’ve found, being in a caregiving profession and surrounded by lots of people who are in caregiving professions. They are,at risk. I feel like they're at high risk for brownout or burnout. I think what comes up for me, I think, in that particular season of one's life, this burnout or brownout, it often feels like you're alone in this place internally. I think one of the best books that I've read that sort of helps people in caregiving roles to move forward is “Hidden Wholeness” by Parker Palmer, and he works specifically with teachers, individuals in the medical field as well to be in these groups that are called circles of trust. And what one does in a circle of trust is talk about where they're at in life. And I think it just like maybe someone who was in Alcoholics Anonymous, I think there's this, this feeling of solidarity right? I'm in this place that I'm at. There are many other people that are in the same place in life, as I am. And so I think for burnout or brownout, I think that can be super helpful is being involved in a circle of trust, where other people who are in similar life circumstances can offer encouragement to you in your particular season. So I that's what comes to mind for me as I think about burnout or brownout.

Christina Roberts:  3:22  

Chris, I appreciate you bringing up the thought about caregivers because I do think that that's particularly challenging for caregivers because we really do care about the people. And I think sometimes there's a tension we can feel of: I love the people and I understand the value of which I do. And yet the schedules become too demanding. They don't have enough time for myself to replenish. And so there tends to be this tension with the caregivers who can person, deep feelers and lovers of human beings to then have those places where we can let down our guard and admit some of this stuff that I think is very vulnerable. So I appreciate you highlighting that today.

Kristina Kaiser:  3:55  

I actually just saw a post from a friend who does Telehealth probably mostly these days. And she recounted this whole thing about: She’d gone to an office but the cord was at home so she went back to the house and she started the session and they just got to a really great place in the session. And then their daughter came in, and something had overflowed, like really bad overflowed, going through the ceiling overflowed. She had to shut down the session. 

So this is the state of things, sometimes is the reality. And even those giant moments of stress can cause us to be like: I don't know how I got to this place where I'm doing all these things. And: Whatever made me think that I could do all these things?! And I've certainly been in that space, myself, a number of times. So, I don't even know where this came from. I wonder if in the “Wisdom Distilled” book they talk about it. But there's this thing of a “Rule of Life.” I don't think I got it from a book originally. I think I went to a retreat.  

And I can't say enough good things about retreats, is the reality, because it's a real time to just slow down. And every time I go into a retreat, I have to put myself in that frame of mind to say: This is actually a time where I don't have to engage everything. So maybe I was at a retreat. But we talked about this Rule of Life, and we got a little piece of paper or something. And we could just write down: What do I need, how often would I need that in my life. 

And so I started doing that a number of years ago now, And I still get off track is the reality. I need to redo it every now and again because life changes. But it helps me feel like I'm not stealing, like: Okay, if I'm going to take this 15 minutes… If I'm putting that in my workday, I can feel like I'm stealing from my workday, but in fact that's actually good for my workday and I need that time to recharge. So, I don't know, that's my first impression as we start talking about all this is the Rule of Life has been so helpful for me.

Chris Roberts:  5:54  

I like the notion that we can maybe do some practices that help us to keep from burning out. But I think I also want to say that burnout isn't necessarily a bad place. Like: Oh my gosh, my life is out of control. I think burnout could be a very good place for many people. I think it depends on, you know, a lot of times we like to ascribe places that were in in life as good or bad. But I don't think it's either. I think it just is right, this is the place that you find yourself. And so when I think about, yeah sure, there are some contemplative practices that you can put into your life, you know, some things that you could incorporate into your day whether it's mindfulness practices, meditation, centering prayer, or types of prayer. Sure. I think those are wonderful things that anyone, regardless of where they're at in life can implement in their day and it's going to be nothing but good for them. 

But I also think that understanding that when we reach a place of burnout, that it could be a great place for us. And I think if you're looking to a visual picture, I think of, like the one being in the wilderness, right? Of: You've reached this place where there’s nothing around you, there's no signpost, there's nowhere to go, I don't know what to do. 

So I think people reach burnout in their jobs and do I want to continue doing this? Is this is this going to be fulfilling to me for the rest of my life? Or do I look at another career change? 

You know there are lots of things that could that lead, that could lead us to burnout, but I think about someone wandering around in a wilderness, and that's the place that they need to be. That's exactly where their soul is going to emerge. And they're going to be guided by their interior into what to do next. And often I don't think you can really…the soul will not emerge until it reaches a place like a wilderness experience to guide us. And obviously, there are practices that you can get for discernment, you know, these discernment practices, but, I think for many people. It's that place of the wilderness, it's the wandering around. It’s the: What do I do next, that leads them to the next thing that they're going to they're going to enter in to in life. So that's another thing that comes up for me when we talk about burnout.

Christina Roberts:  8:36  

And I'm reminded of a very well-known Psalm – Psalm 23 where it describes: The Lord is my shepherd and he leads me to green pastures. And I think often in our lives we have these pastures in our lives, whatever that means for us, that are really nourishing for our souls. And maybe it feeds us for a very long time in our lives, maybe even years. But often what happens is: There are now nubs. The green pasture has been eaten down and there is nothing left. And I think we can try to: But this is my green pasture I need to be able to have go-to things that can nourish my soul. And so it can feel a little bit disorienting. 

But according to Psalm 23, Jesus is leading us to new green pastures and sometimes I think that's where this burnout situation where recognizing okay, it's not that this is bad or that I'm doing something wrong or anything like that. It's just that this pasture is eaten up; it needs time to replenish; and there's another new crafter over here, in which I can graze. 

And I think sometimes that can be an internal soul thing. Or even like, Chris, you’re talking about vocation. Sometimes it can be an external shift that happen. And you knowm I have found in my own life, sometimes a micro adjustment is huge, right? It's not like I have to quit my job and move to the Amazon and become a missionary to tribal people. Maybe that's the case for some. But I think oftentimes when we have these micro adjustments in our lives of, you know, I'm noticing I'm aware that these particular things when I looked at on my calendar I am dreading. I have to grind through this. And then: These things I'm looking forward to. Paying attention to: This is what shimmers in my day. This is not shimmering…Okay I'm noticing that. I'm aware of that. And how do I continue to inch towards more of this and less of this, which can take some boldness and owning up to things. But I think that there's something to that green pasture image as well. 

Kristina Kaiser  10:22  

Yeah, in the book, “Joy Unspeakable,” Barbara, Holmes writes this one, and I have processed this book so slowly, just looking for all of the nuggets in it. But she talks about the contemplative. It's like a couple of chapters of trying to define it.

And it's like every conversation I'm in, there's always some level of: What is the contemplative? What does it mean? Of course, whatever definition…But I found one that has worked for me is to say: Among the other things…So that we can keep incorporating all the things. But: Among other things, the contemplative helps us open to the awareness of God, which is a lot of what we're talking about. 

And as I've slowly digested her book, I feel like she's naming a few things that, that space leads us to, so like wisdom, like what you guys are sort of talking about. We get these little nuggets and we could try this, we could do this. We get love. We get healing. We're often inspired towards some sort of an action. 

And as I talked with my husband, like, his mind and action went to: Feed the world! And maybe. But maybe it's just this little shift like what you're talking about. And so as we even listen to one another, we can have these big grandiose ideas. But sometimes it is really miniscule, but it makes a really big difference in our lives. So I appreciate what you're saying around all of that. And I also find it really helpful to ask: Why am I going to use the contemplative? Because I'm going to open to the awareness of God. I’m going to open to the God idea here, which, Lord knows, is so helpful. Because I do think the heart, at least my heart, gets so involved in everybody's story. And I don't think it's immediately obvious, all the time, that I have a little bit of introvertedness in me. And so I need that downtime. Everyone just assumes: You're always in front of people. You're always instigating another event and more people. So you must be extroverted. But, I get tired, and I need to regroup. And so these little moments with God help me to recognize these things about myself. And just to say, sometimes I don't love that about myself right? I want to be that person that can go, go, go, and I can't go all the time. So I'm disappointed in me. And so finding that space to get the healing, even, for all of that feels very helpful.

Christina Roberts  12:45  

You know, Kristina, I know you mentioned a moment ago about retreats, and I love, in my own life, kind of, watching different seasons where I've gone through some really strong brownouts several years ago that I was facing. And the role that retreats play in that. 

But I also just think about, I don't know, and I've never done this but: Couch to 5K's. I love the concept of it right? Where, in order to get to the 5k, I think, day one, you're, like, walking around block, or you're running for a minute, walking for a minute. It's a very paced thing. 

And I think, sometimes, as we're thinking about this, again, it doesn't. It's great. If you want to go on a retreat for a day or a weekend or whatever, yes! Absolutely do that. But I think sometimes whatever the equivalent of “walking around the block,” quote unquote is, that's a great starting place. And especially if our souls are undernourished…You know, I think, Chris, to your point earlier…with the pandemic, I was talking to a teacher the other day, and I hadn't seen her in a year. We were outside talking, and she is normally the most like upbeat, loves educating, so passionate about her work. And she was really jaded. And as I walked away I could tell: This has been…and you know it…you read the articles. We hear about how tough it's been. But to actually see someone who I care about, and it's like: Wow, this is like a totally different person. And I can tell that her soul is so undernourished. And, you know, I’m engaging that way. She’s not using that language. But, if someone is malnourished, you don't serve them a steak dinner right? You start with a simple broth with lots of nourishment and vitamins and things like that and kind of work up to things. And so I think there's a beauty about walking alongside a spiritual companion to help with that re-nourishing back towards health and re-alignment in our lives. 

Chris Roberts:  14:31  

Yeah and I like the whole awareness piece that we're lifting up today. I think that's what the contemplative does right? It's this idea that we want to become aware of our story. We want to become aware of how others are involved in our story. And, you know, I think one of the things that we brought up earlier was this notion of noticing: What is life giving in my day? And what in my day was just utter, just, yuck? What was gross? And I think, you know, the whole awareness piece is huge as we as we contemplate our lives, as we look at how our days are going, how our month is going. So for me I'm drawn back to: How can I be more aware of the movements of God in my life through contemplation? And so I love having conversations like this for this very thing. 

Christina Roberts:  15:40  

Well, great, thanks so much for engaging in this conversation about burnout/brownout land with me. 

…So this is the part of the podcast, where we talk about what we are in to this week.

Kristina Kaiser:  15:55  

So I think we're probably nearing the end of this season but, it's kind of pineapple season right now. And so I’m so into it. We buy like two of them, and we wait for him to get golden. And then we cut them open, and they're so sweet and the kids are so excited to take them for their snack times. And so that has been just my absolute love the last month or so.

Chris Roberts:  16:16  

Nice. Well I have been into next-door-side-gigs. And most of them have revolved around some sort of mulching, weeding, cultivating gardens. And so, I found it to be a spiritual practice that I've just recently discovered. I've been involved with the Franciscan Spirituality Center for a few years now, and a very Franciscan thing to do is to have communion with nature and, you know, Brother Sun and Sister Moon and talking to that. And I find that, as I'm, like, mulching and I'm weeding, and I'm, you know, trimming back certain lilies, it's a spiritual practice that I've been engaging in that, you know, hasn't been a part of my life before, and it's good. I really like it. So, next-door-side-hustle-nature,

Christina Roberts:  17:16  

Maybe I’ll add to that beause I live in the same household with you. We're doing this with our…so…Chris takes one of our kids with him each time he does this because we're trying to teach our kids work ethic and things like that. And I grew up with a family restaurant, so we always had that. And so our older kid, she can mow lawns and so she goes and partners with Chris, mowing an elderly person's grass. And then, our younger one does the mulching. So it is a family-next-door-side-gig-event. 

Well I'm into comfortable camping chairs. So I facilitated a retreat last week with pastors here in the area, and somebody had this amazing…and I've seen the different rocking-chair-camper things that looks super comfortable cool. And so I splurged, and it should be arriving, I think, today or tomorrow. So I am excited for my, sort of, hydraulic, rocking camping chair from some camping place. Thrilled to do that. 

Well, thanks for joining us today for The Contemplative Life. We welcome you to check out our website if you're wanting to get in touch for more resources. Also, if you are listening to the podcast and enjoy it, one thing that really helps us is if you could leave a rating or review on iTunes. That helps others to find us. So on that note, thanks! And we look forward to connecting with you next week. Take care.