Ep 18 Creating New Mindsets

Today we’re talking about using the Contemplative lens to create new mindsets. 

And in particular, we start with some questions: What does it look like to renew our minds and take thoughts captive? How do we manage to allow our minds to think on things that are noble, excellent and praiseworthy? 

And given that we’re all so unique, what we quickly discover is that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. But what we all agree on is that when we find a tool that helps us, our minds are calmer and happier! 

#SpiritualCompanioning
#SpirtitualDirection
#CenteringPrayer

Additional Resources:
Video Class: Loving God with our Mind
NPR Comic Series: Teaching in the Pandemic

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

mindsets, contemplative, scripture, brain, renew, thinking

00:06

Welcome to The Contemplative Life: Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens.

I'm Christina Roberts.

I'm Chris Roberts.

I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us.

Christina Roberts  00:25

Hello, it's great to be with you. Today we're going to be talking about creating new mindsets. And I spend most of my time in the Spiritual Companioning/Spiritual Direction world. But I also spend some of my time in the Life Coaching world. And in those circles, one thing that I noticed that often comes up is this idea about "limiting beliefs," helping people to identify: What are limiting beliefs, what are mindsets that you have that may be keeping you stuck, and how to move past them. 

And I've really tried to take some of those concepts and think about them through a contemplative lens: What does the Bible say about this? What is the invitation from the Holy Spirit as it relates to coming up with new mindsets, creating new mindsets. And, you know, a handful of verses come to mind. There's the classic idea of "renewing your mind" that we read about in the New Testament. There's "taking every thought captive to make it obedient." There is "thinking on what is true and noble and excellent and praiseworthy." 

So, point being, Scripture does, there's something about singling out these thoughts, taking them captive, considering what our mindsets are, and this invitation towards renewal. So today, I'd like to talk about: What does it mean to engage with the contemplative practices? And how do we create new neural pathways, identify what we already have, and have these new mindsets in our lives?

Chris Roberts  01:48

Yeah, it's funny, that you talk about some of these verses. Some of those verses have been very triggering for me. I've had several those verses quoted at me, or said to me, and I can't even tell you for what, like, what instances in my life were those verses said to me? But every time I would hear, you know, like, "Renew your mind, by the reading of Scripture,"  I would sort of be like, "I don't really want to go to Scripture." But I think that contemplative has helped me, because now I actually think, "Okay, what does it mean to "change the way that you think?" How do you do that? I think probably scripture could help some people. But for me, whenever you think about brain science, or using your frontal cortex, versus your fight or flight, your lizard brain, I've been helped by thinking about science and changing our mindsets. And so being contemplative, thinking about practices, thinking about, certain things that I'm doing in my life...and hanging on to a thought: Okay, I had that thought. Why did I think that thought? And sort of lingering with it. So I don't know that I've fully exploited all the mindset changes that are possible in my life, but I really like the direction this conversation is headed.

Kristina Kaiser  03:30

Yes. And I also have found that without a little bit of stillness, the naming of the limiting beliefs is almost impossible for me. The brain is just going 100 miles a minute. So, I'm merging with everybody else's thoughts and ideas. Everybody else's story sounds great to me, like, let's do all those things. And it's not until I get still that I'll start to realize what the chatter even truly is in my brain, which there's a lot of, it turns out! But I won't know until I get still. 

So I was sharing with you guys just a little bit earlier before we were recording about: I've been trying to do these 15 minute sits, and we have kids. And so the little one is still home during the days, and I've just had to compromise and say like, "I'm gonna do that while he's playing next to me." And I realized in the last week and a half as I tried to expand this practice again, I don't even give myself permission to be still and sit and give myself this chance to really feel and see what's on the inside. So yeah, this business of being still has become very important to me lately, in order to do this very thing.

Christina Roberts  04:45

That's interesting, Kristina, because I would say it's probably the opposite for me. It's in motion and action that some of these limiting beliefs come up, nd, you know, trying to do something and thinking, "Oh, well, I don't know if I can do that," Or, "Do I have enough time, " Or, some of the thoughts that come up while I'm in action or as I'm talking to people. And, you know, I think identifying: What is the default? I think all of us, you know, like on our phones, we have our default settings. If you buy an iPhone, the ringtone is what it is, unless you go back in and reprogram it to ring a different way. 

And so, and again, you don't really think about the ringtone. It's just there. It exists until you're maybe hear somebody else with a really cool ringtone. And it's like, "Oh, okay, that sounds fun. Maybe I want to do that." But it takes effort to go in and to change that and to renew, to create those new neural pathways. And I think even living in the pandemic, this past year that we've been in, I think that this has been a real opportunity to think about some of these mindsets that have been ingrained. And as we engage with the news or whatnot, and I like to think about our brains like a Google search bar. Whatever you search for, Google's gonna find for you. So if you're looking for "the worst Thai restaurant in a five mile radius," you're gonna find the worst Thai restaurants, as opposed to "I want all the best Thai restaurants," that's what Google's gonna find for you. 

And so I found that even giving my brain what I want my brain to think about is really important. And so Chris, to your point, I think Scripture does play a role in this opportunity of creating new mindsets. But if that's our jumping off point, where it's like, I all of a sudden have to memorize all these Scriptures, and there's no identification of "why is that scripture helpful," and "what is the mindset that I'm even trying to change?" That seems like maybe, I don't know, putting the cart before the horse? Sort of a situation?

Chris Roberts  06:36

Yeah. And I think just being human, our default is to be negative. I just think that's just being part of human. And what would it take to be more positive? How do you change your mindsets? And, you know, this is something that I that I think about a lot, and particularly in my parenting, or particularly in something that I want to try, something new. My first response is, "I can't," or, "that that won't be able to happen," or, "that can't be done." And so I really liked that image of the Google search bar, because how could I change that framework? If I approach something with, "I can! I have a wonderful mind that I can think through problems. I have a lot of creative skills that I can apply to life."

This default of negativity about approaching life, how can I change that to be more what actually is? And I think a lot of it has to do with thinking about things as more neutral than positive or negative. A lot of times, I just lean, I default towards the negative. And then I have to think, "Well, you know, that probably isn't negative or positive. It's just, it's neutral." And so approaching life with a neutrality, and then changing and shifting towards positivity, is something that I've really been working on. And it's challenging. It's tough. It's really hard to do. But I noticed that I find more happiness, more creativity, the things that I really want to get out of life whenever my Google search bar is, you know, I'm putting in things that are actually possible, things that can be done, rather than the default of negativity.

Christina Roberts  08:25

Yeah, and I think it's important, too, to name that: It's important to not jump from one to the extreme. "Okay, now I have to be like, 100%, Yes! I'm all in, I could do all these amazing things!" Because I think that feels inauthentic to us. And I think that that's important as well to recognize, "Okay, I want to be a creative human being. Or I want to see this particular mindset in my life change. But it's unrealistic for me to go from this to this, I need some bridge steps along the way. I need some bridge thoughts, maybe some bridge prayers, however, you might phrase that towards a reframing." And I think that that's where I have found actual sustainable real change happens, when it's 1%, 1% ,1%. As opposed to, "I was thinking this way. And now I have to flip the switch," and almost like that positive "name it and claim it" type of stuff and some of the theological circles that we find, I don't know that that sticks. And it kind of feels a little inauthentic.

Kristina Kaiser  09:16

I also have found, with this whole negativity aspect, my outward facing self has no problem giving all positivity. It's all {laugh} it really is all in the head, the things that I'm thinking about. So yes, I think, in a way, tools have really helped me on this one, because it is just not my default to ask myself questions like, "What am I feeling? What hurts? What is the unhelpful story that I'm telling myself?" So if I sit with them...and I like to be busy, so it's hard to take the time to sit with those questions. I have to carve it out. I have to schedule it into my time. 

But even just yesterday, we're planning a new type of a trip. We usually lived in one space that we traveled to see family. Now we live near family, and we need to travel to see friends, which is a very different way of traveling. And so I was doing some preliminary searches, and it's gonna be more money. We're going to a bigger city. And we're not going to stay with our family. And there's six of us. And some are still in car seats. And so I could see Dominic's demeanor changing, and he's getting frustrated. And so my brain is still working. Like the next morning, my brain is still going. So in one of my sits, I found myself: What is my feeling? What is the story, I'm telling myself? And that was very helpful because I could have spent all of yesterday ruminating on how this isn't gonna work and how we can't afford things like this. And Dom's gonna have a bad time. And so I'm going to have...like, I could have sat in that space all day. 

But just that, it was like 10 minutes, just 10 minutes of really honing in, and then writing a few things down, I had a much shorter conversation, which was not even remotely emotionally charged, about what we can try next. And then I went on with my day, and I had no more thoughts about it. But it could have been a whole day of just circling.

Chris Roberts  11:22

And I know, we've talked about Centering Prayer, or Contemplative Prayer on different episodes, but I just find this to be so helpful. And kind of a visual that I get is: whenever you're in your life, and you're looking at things, it can feel like you're looking at things through a microscope, and you're seeing all the detail and all the clutter. And I like the visual of a bird's eye view: You're looking at the bigger picture. And I think that's what Centering Prayer has done for me. It's taken me out of my myopic view of my life towards a greater view, a bigger, more encompassing view of what life really is. And so that's been a helpful tool for me. And, yeah, I'm always looking for new tools to help me eke out the most of this beautiful life that we are trying to live.

Christina Roberts  12:25

Yeah. And I think, once again, I think I'm the opposite, Chris, where I tend to live in big picture with a lot of the work that I do. And so I have found, Kristina, to your point, like writing down and maybe doing some contemplative journaling, where I'm actually asking, "What is the actual thought," and going to the microscope, and really: What is there? And what is the junk that I can get rid of? And what are the things that are redeemable? And what are the slight shifts that I need to make in this particular mindset to go on that journey a little bit further than I currently am? So again, I love that even our personalities are kind of being displayed today in this podcast, that there's not a one size fits all. But I think this idea of identifying mindsets and leaning into some of these different tools that were mentioned today as a way to grow in this area...

And I also want to mention, too, if people do want to take a deeper dive into this topic, we actually have a whole class; it's a several part video class on "Renewing our Minds," Mindsets..."Loving God with our Mind" is the official name of the class, which I think is interesting, right? Jesus specifically teased out, "The greatest commandment is to love God with your heart, mind, soul and strength." And so there is something specific about these different parts of us that I think Jesus is inviting us to lean into. And so we would love you to check out if you go to our website, thecontemplativelife.net, there's some links there that take you to some YouTube pages for some deeper dive for those that would be interested a little bit more in this topic.

So on that note, we're going to transition into the part of our podcast where we talk about what we're into this week.

Kristina Kaiser  14:02

So I have found that, lately, I am into "hats on Saturday!" It's just like a great...so most days I need to record a video or whatever, but I feel like Saturdays have become my day for artistic expression with my hair and hats. So I don't know how long it will last but that is what I'm into right now.

Chris Roberts  14:22

Yeah, I think it totally relates to what we're talking about in this podcast. You know, the ways our personality are different, I'm a great detail cleaner. If you want the house cleaned up really quick, Christina is your person. She just whips it out. I get focused on the detail, taking the toothbrush and cleaning out the corner. I'm really great at detail cleaning. But with that said, it's spring and the grass is growing and it's looking great, s I've been into making our outside pleasant to look at and getting ready to mow the lawn and putting seed and fertilizer down. And so that's what I've been into this week. 

Christina Roberts  15:16

Nice. So I have been into...NPR has a comic series where they're highlighting education from these sort of "graphic comic" points of view. And I've been really fascinated to, both, be in the world of education with my own children during the pandemic, but curious how post-pandemic education, as an industry, is going to be changing as a offering to the world. And so this NPR comic series, it highlights different teachers and what virtual learning has...so there was a math teacher, an Indigenous leader, music teacher, and it's just fascinating to hear from these different teacher's perspectives about what the pandemic and education has looked like for them. So I am into the NPR comic series. 

On that note, we thank you so much for joining us, and as always invite you to go to thecontemplativelife.net for more resources. Until next time, make it a great week.