Ep 17 Beauty in the Ordinary

Today we want to talk about life in the ordinary and about finding God in the more average parts of our days and lives.

What can we find to sustain us? Where can something very usual become more extraordinary to us?  

Join us as we talk about returning to wonder, about slowing down to notice what we could not see before, and about the power of release and embrace. 

#SpiritualCompanioning
#SpirtitualDirection
#CenteringPrayer
#Kairos
#Chronos

Additional Resources:
Book: The Joy Diet by Martha Beck

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Transcript

 SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Ordinary time, nature, Kairos, Chronos, talk, 

Dominic Kaiser  00:06

Welcome to The Contemplative Life: Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens.

I'm Christina Roberts. 

I'm Chris Roberts.

I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us.

Chris Roberts  00:25

Welcome, everyone. It's so good to be with you today. Today, we want to talk about a subject that's really hard to explain, it's more of a concept than a theology or philosophy. But we want to talk about "life in the ordinary," or Ordinary Time. And I was recently talking to my spiritual director about my life, and it felt like just sort of a humdrum session. And so, he asked me, "Where do you see God in your day-to-day life?" And it reminded me of this idea of ekeing out life in ordinary time. And so you could go on a walk, noticing the ordinary things of your life, like a person's flowers that you didn't notice before, the things that you're doing in life that are just ordinary. And taking time and space to notice where God is at in the ordinary and average part of your day.

Christina Roberts  01:37

Great. Yeah, I mean, I think one of the things that comes to mind as you say, this is: I'm Greek, so I'm gonna bust out some Greek today. But there are two different words for time in the Greek language, or at least the ancient Greek language, kettles, Kairos or Kronos. And the first one is these big moments in our lives, and I think we all live in are excited for those Kairos or kettles moments where, it's the biggies, it's the excitement, it's the "woo-hoo!" type of type of life. 

And yet most of life is Cronos, which is where we get the word "chronological" time; it's just the the day-to-day that we're living and the passing of time. And I think that how we spend the Kronos time is actually the essence of life and what matters. And, you know, I think, often if we're chasing after the Kairos moments, we tend to be in the hustle, in the moving, and the "what's next." And I find that sometimes, and I don't know why we do this as humans, but instead of being in the moment, we're either thinking about the next moment, or, maybe we're having a rich, Kairos moment, and we can't even savor it, because we're so used to chasing the next one, the next one. And I think being able to live in the Kronos gives us the opportunity to sort of practice "what does it mean to be present in the moment," which I think, so many of the mindfulness teachers talk about being present in the moment. So that's what comes to mind for me, Chris, as you're talking about this Ordinary Time and mundane?

Kristina Kaiser  03:02

No, I very much agree. I realize as we're starting to talk, even, just reflecting on my life up to this point, and even some of my kids whose lives...one of our daughters is in dance. Everything is building to that recital. And I was a performer for a long time. So you build, you build, you build to that performance, and then you take a brief respite, and then you build to the next performance. And then I grew up and I went into this career where my life was event driven. So we would build, build, build to the event, it was the same idea: Just to an event. 

But then, you're right, the majority of our days are spent in what we would call Ordinary Time, which tends to feel like a bit of a drain. I mean, I can...I think COVID really made it especially obvious because people were spending a lot of time in their space. But you might wake up and think, "Well, what are we going to do today, Pinky?" And it was like, "The same thing we did yesterday," only there's no taking over the world. 

So, yes, when I first started hearing people talk about "enjoying this moment now," it was like, "Whoa, is that possible to really..." to believe that this was gonna work took a little bit of time for me, I realized, that I had to really believe that this was going to be possible, to enjoy these little moments, and that it was going to qualitatively improve my life. So yeah,

Chris Roberts  04:31

Yeah, I think a practice that has really helped me with this idea of discovering the Divine in the ordinary is this idea of Centering Prayer. I did Centering Prayer for, like, three years. It's this idea that you just take some quiet time, and 20 minutes is what they recommend, and you just sort of empty yourself of any thoughts, any ideas, any ambitions that you have for the day. You just sort of be. I think, you know, over the course of three years, this practice really helped me notice the ordinary, the beauty in the ordinary time. 

Now, since then I've had kids and finding 20 minutes in a day is super tough. And so, I mentioned earlier, talking to my spiritual director, I think this is a practice that I want to reinstate in my life, whether it's five minutes or 10 minutes, just taking time to sort of empty myself of any of my desires, my ambitions, the thinking of the grandiose, the thinking of "what in my day is going to be be the big thing that's going to sustain me," for the next couple of days. And so I'm super curious to instate this practice in my life again, whether it's five minutes or 10 minutes, but I really hope that it will be helpful to help me live into the ordinary.

Christina Roberts  06:03

I appreciate that beceause, even thinking through, in our day, what's the biggie, what are those big moments in our days? And I'm really struck by the invitation that Jesus offers where he says to "look at the birds of the air," or he says, "consider the lilies of the field." And Jesus seems to be offering us this invitation to pause and to actually contemplatively look at what is around us in nature that we otherwise would pass by, kind of like you mentioned earlier with the walk. 

And last year, I was leading a retreat, facilitating a retreat outside, and we're in our circle, and reflecting, and I invited everyone to turn their chairs to face outward towards nature. And we took a moment to just "let's take in the surroundings and fix your gaze on...whether it's the tree over there, the lake, the blade of grass." And just to take a moment to do that before we go into our next session together. 

And I think even those little, again, that invitation from Jesus to actually look, to actually consider a lily, that's a different verbiage that's used. And I don't know the Greek word right there. I'm not with my lexicon. But you know, that's a different  invitation that Jesus seems to be offering us.

Kristina Kaiser  07:10

Yeah, I've been reading this, well, I finished reading it, but this "Joy Diet" book by Martha Beck. And I don't even remember what the menu item is for it, but at some point, there's this notion of "feasting your eyes." And there's also a notion in that book about "you need several treats a day." So it's all kind of playing around this same idea. So if you're going to take a big risk, you need to reward yourself. It's not necessarily like a food thing. But maybe it's, for instance, feasting your eyes. And so I take this moment to say, "Okay, what kinds of things bring me joy when I look at them?" 

And so on my cell phone, there's the home screen...So we just had Easter pictures where everybody got dressed up, we took all the photos, and went about the rest of the day, and then the clothes come off. But those pictures...one of them's my lockscreen, one is my homescreen, and they bring me so much joy, because look at all the smiling faces and the cuteness! 

And there's a postcard on our fridge, it's been on our fridge forever. And it's a joke, like my husband's sister sent it to him probably a decade ago. But there's a guy sitting in a chair, and he's got his head down and his hand on his forehead. And another person is, like, patting them on the back, consoling them. And it's like, "I don't want to make any age-related jokes, because I sincerely feel so bad about how old you are." And we were probably like, 25, I don't know, we were so young when that postcard came around. But it still makes us laugh. 

So those little moments of just taking that pause...It's not so much true in the winter, but our neighbor's house has this tree that overlooks their house. And when the sun shines in the afternoon, it's this really interesting shadow that moves on the side of the house, and I try to capture it. I try to go be there because, you know that sun's gonna set and it's not going to stay forever, but...So those little moments in the day to just really (inhale) take in the breath and feast the eyes. That's been a fun one for me lately.

Chris Roberts  09:13

Yeah, I think our world is so amazing. The gift of nature, the gift of just what we probably take for granted that's all around us. I think, yeah, we've been set up poorly by society in so many ways to really eke out the most of this beautiful life that we're surrounded by, just even noticing. I love that verse, "Notice the lilies," taking time to contemplate all the beautiful things that are around us. You know, the birds that are flying through the air, the formations that they make, the way that they interact with one another. And I think there's so much wonder that we've lost. So I really like what we're talking about today because it's a return to wonder. I think it's this invitation to notice all the amazing things that are surrounding us in our day. But we're just so busy, or we're so wrapped up in what we would call the "mundane" of life. And we're wrapped up in the tasks that we have to perform, that we don't really notice the beauty in the ordinary.

Christina Roberts  10:28

Yeah, even kind of going back to the bird/lily that you're mentioning, Chris. There's the birds, there's the breath. There's so many different types of birds and sizes of birds. And then the lily is one flower that you're kind of going deep with. And even on nature meditations and hikes and things like that, there is the one invitation of just taking in all of nature, going on a walk and just seeing what you see. But then there's also this practice called a "sit spot," where you're literally just sitting down in one particular spot for 20, or however long it is...And in this little square that I'm at, sitting on this patch of grass, or dirt, or wherever I'm at, what do I notice around me in a deeper way and going deep with it? 

And again, I recognize these are privileges. To be able to have time to do these things, or to even be able to have access to nature. And yet, I think, Jesus, you know, it seems like he picked very ordinary things. And so what's the beauty in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I'm eating, or whatever it is. It doesn't have to be some fancy, "we're going to these beautiful mountains," if we don't live near them. But again, just that breath and that depth seems to be that multifaceted invitation.

Kristina Kaiser  11:32

Yeah, like a couple episodes ago, right, when we had Mary Reynolds on. And she talks about, "You know, I'm on this walk. And I'm in a city, so it's not like, it's not all that nature. But I look up, and it's so vast when we look up!" 

And that has continued to resonate for me. I mean, it was already a bit of a practice. If I was running to go get the kids, I might try that extra moment of taking in that deep breath and actually noticing the weather that day. But sometimes, I mean, I've read about it this way, that people...it's a little vacation, right? Even if you shut the door, to having just buckled up a child, and you're walking around the car...It's just this little vacation that we get to take, to savor that moment. 

And the same is true. I think, even if I'm just doing homework with the kids, because that's such an...right, we're going to do it again. And we're going to do it again. One of my preschool teacher friends taught me this notion of "we have to reteach." And so when she taught it to me, I thought like, "Oh, so teachers must just do that. They must be super into reteaching and be okay with it." And so the next time I talked her, I was like, "I've been trying to do this reteach thing, and it's so frustrating, and I just don't like it." And she's like, "Oh, nobody likes it!" And I was like, "Oh!" So, if, okay, I don't know, to like it. I'm just gonna be doing it. But can I still enjoy this child? So if they say something funny, can I really stop and go, "That was funny!" and just enjoy the moment, even though we're gonna be at this homework for an hour and a half. And that's not necessarily how I would have chosen to spend my time. I would have rather spent all my time doing the laughing part. 

So to really glom on to that moment, where we say, "But that was funny, and I can laugh in the midst of my hour and a half of homework," feels like a big deal. 

Christina Roberts  13:23

Yeah, I was actually just recently listening to an Oprah podcast and the person that she was interviewing, they were kind of talking about this concept in an Oprah kind of way. And the lady was asking Oprah, like, "What are you looking forward to tomorrow that you're going to be doing?" So she's like, "I'm doing an interview and doing something else." And then she was planning to watch a movie with Steadman, her partner. And so she was kind of describing her emotions around the interview. But then, when she got to the movie, she's like, "Oh, I hate it because he always falls asleep in the movie." She's like, "It's a thing that we're constantly having to deal with." And so the person that she was meeting with, she's like, "Well..."basically, kind of, unpacking Oprah, of all people, and her emotions around the movie. And come to find out that Oprah said, "That happens all the time," where, people fall asleep during movies. And it's so frustrating to her because she's like, "So much went into making this movie. I'm not going to fall asleep on these people." But it was like, she was pressuring herself. So instead of enjoying the movie, there were these expectations. And she's like, "I know he's gonna fall asleep because he falls asleep every time. So do we just not watch the movie? But it's a ritual that we have." And so the lady was like, "What would it look like for you to let go of that and just to be? And if you fall asleep, that that's okay." And so Oprah was like, "I have to rethink, now, my home movie watching experience." 

But you know, even sometimes in those things, of recognizing, "I'm not looking forward to it," or "I'm anticipating disappointment." Well, what is that? And if we're maybe enjoying the moment, or even looking at the moment, maybe we can release some things to maybe experience something more fuller. And it might be great to snuggle, and then if you fall asleep together, you know, if the point is to connect, then let's do that. And we can let go of some of the expectations there to. Again, maybe trying to find a Kairos of the movie moment versus just releasing it and letting it be ordinary. And if that means a nap, so be it.

Chris Roberts  15:09

I love that. And I think that's sort of the secret to life. It's just finding that, okay, we're doing these things. We're doing life, and it's finding the beauty in every moment that we're spending in life. You know, what is the beautiful? What is the wonder in life? And so I think that's a big secret, is finding wonder, finding the beauty in every moment, in every relationship. You know, I think we have a ways to go at really applying this to our lives. But yeah, I love being on the journey, and discovering wonder and beauty in the ordinary.

Well, this is the part of our podcast where we talk about what we are into. What are we into this week?

Kristina Kaiser  16:13

I am in to daffodils! They started popping up all over town. And we actually don't have any in our yard. (So this is our first spring in our home.) So I'm like, "Dominic, maybe not this year, but maybe next year, we can plant daffodils! And then in the spring, we'll have our own little pops of yellow coming up in the yard. Daffodils are what I'm into.

Christina Roberts  16:37

Yes, those are fun. Well, I am into vacation planning. So I have two brothers and two sisters, and we are spread all over the United States. And this summer, it is going to work out where I will see every one of my siblings, so we're traveling to these different places to see family members. And it's been really fun talking to my siblings and sort of asking them, "What are the things in your city that are, you know, we should be looking to see?" We have small kids, so, you know, we like to be active and do things. And so it's interesting, today's conversation, where, yes, maybe there's all the hoopla touristy things. And I'm happy to dip my toes into that world. But also, my daughter wants to go fishing with one of her uncles and my sister was like, "Oh, really?! She really wants to do that?!" And I was like, "Yes, if you have fishing gear, let's go fishing!" And so yes, you know, we can do the fun kid things where you buy tickets and do all the things. But I think also just the simple ordinary things in my siblings towns, so I am into vacation planning.

Chris Roberts  17:36

Wonderful. I think going along with that, I know that we are going on vacation, and we're going to be doing a lot of biking. My two daughters have started doing things at school, one is doing crew, the other is doing track. And so they're spending a lot of their afternoons getting fit, and I am into being aware of how unfit I am. And so trying to make space in my day to bike up a very steep hill to sort of get my stamina up, because I don't want my daughters to kick my butt on our bike rides. I want to be able to stay ahead of them. And I will be dragging my five year old on a tandem bike behind us. So I am into getting fit, at least in my mind. I don't know that I've fully applied my physical life to getting fit, but at least in my mind, I'm into getting fit. So it's probably more competition driven than I'd really like to admit but that is what I am into. Hopefully this week, next week, and many weeks to come. 

We're so glad that you joined us. For more resources, please check out thecontemplativelifenet. Until next time, we'll see you. Have a good week.