Ep 57 The Spiritual Practice of Staying Steady

For most of us, it’s easy to get tossed around by our circumstances. Conversations we’re in can throw us for a loop, and before we know it, we’re drowning in the emotion and struggle of it all. But today we talk about ways to get this thing that Scripture calls “Transcendent Peace” – beyond understanding, out-of-this-world, supernatural peace. Join us as we talk about the art of being present in our lives without getting overly weighed down by the baggage. 

Additional Resources
Book: Eyes Wide Open by Mariana Caplan
Quote: Charles Swindoll
TV Series:  Heartland 

#HelpingVocations
#Peaceful
#LettingGo
#Supernatural 

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Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

equanimity, steadiness, emotions

Dominic Kaiser  00:06

Welcome to The Contemplative Life: Three pastors, friends and spiritual companions help us explore spirituality through a contemplative lens.

I'm Christina Roberts.
I'm Chris Roberts.
I'm Kristina Kaiser. We're glad you joined us. 

Kristina Kaiser  00:24

Hello, it's great to be with you. Today we are talking about the spiritual practice of staying steady. In doing that there's this word that is used in the spiritual world, equanimity. And some would define it as the capacity to remain emotionally steady. And just to note, there are other types of definitions sometimes relating to equality within different types of people. But today, we're going to focus on this notion of remaining emotionally steady. 

As part of my work and all of that I had recently been reading this book, Eyes Wide Open by Marianna Kaplan and you'll recognize some of her themes as sounding very similar to things that Paul talks about in scripture. She says it requires spiritual practice in order to stay steady, that it's just too difficult to say, I'm just going to do it. She says it takes learning how to pay attention to when the mind is taking over. And how do we pay attention? She says, You're gonna need spiritual practice. So on pages 58 and 59 of her book, she says, “Most people are actively tossed about by their circumstances, and tend to lack this center in order to sustain themselves. This manifests in our lives in all kinds of ways. We see high drama, we see self hatred, depression, illness, and we tend to think everything's happening to us rather than the world is operating in these ways that are kind of grander than we understand.” And so in the end, she says equanimity is a result of gradually learning to manage the mind. And of course, that notion of getting tossed about is a very Paul base type of thing, too. He says it in multiple letters to people that he writes to, don't get tossed about. I think James says it as well in Scripture. So this notion, how do we keep from getting tossed about by all this stuff going on in our minds? So I'll just pause there. What do you guys think about equanimity? How do you experience this?

Christina Roberts  02:32

Well, first of all, I appreciate the definition that we're working with today and that is about remaining emotionally steady.  When you first pitched the idea for the podcast, that's not what I was thinking. And I thought, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I like this angle of equanimity.  I would say it's interesting, this idea of being tossed around to and fro, because it does come up all the time. And I was just thinking recently about decision making that we do and how sometimes it's so easy to go back and forth, whether it be a more challenging decision that we have to make, or even a simple decision that we're facing.  The amount of mental real estate that sometimes it takes in our decision making processes, versus what does it look like to be emotionally steady and not being tossed to and fro? Thankfully, we do live in a time in the world where we have access to a lot of information, and how can I take in this new information, but it doesn't have to, like rock me over all the way to this side? I can take that and just turn it into my decision making. But it doesn't have to be this sort of, Oh my gosh, now I'm in a quandary. And I don't know what to do, because it's too much like swimming. It kind of makes me think of someone drowning in an ocean. So I appreciate that kind of naming. This seems to be a human condition that we all face and look forward to kind of unpacking a little bit further in our discussion.

Chris Roberts  03:44

I like what you're bringing up. At first, I had a little bit of resistance. It's like remaining emotionally steady, how boring is that? No highs, no lows. But I really like some of the things that we brought up you referring to Paul and Scripture. And I think the image there is like a ship being tossed around. Or I think another image that's helpful for me is thinking that there's another image from scripture that talks about a tree being planted by rivers of living water, and it's the image of steadiness. And so for me, I think being connected to a source, being able to sort of take a step back, breathe and then being connected to the Divine, it does help me with my emotional steadiness in life. So I think that there are a lot of images that have been offered here that helped me with this idea for sure.

Kristina Kaiser  04:45

And I think that you are bringing up so many opportunities. So what is the difference between Oh, I got excited because  a few episodes ago, we talked about celebration, and getting excited is great, right and appropriate. But then these other questions, oh, how do I make a decision? So many things like this in a day can come up with that kind of mess with the emotions.  How did my commute go? Did I get a hot shower or a cold shower? There's all these various ways in which we really want our lives to go a certain kind of way, we kind of want the world to align with too many red lights the day, right? Like that was not the plan for the morning. And then it starts to live in the head a little bit, right? Like for me, maybe my eyebrows are furrowing. And the whole bit, how do I come into this space that says, There were red lights. There were green lights. And it did not shake me. I had to adjust the shower and it did not shake me. But otherwise, the whole day is this roller coaster, in a way.

Christina Roberts  05:51

Chris, I'm glad that you brought up that it would be boring to have just this flatlining of emotions. And I don't think that that's what we're talking about. I think for me, I tend to be ..if you have good news, I'm a great person to tell because I will be so excited for you. And also, if you're struggling, I can sit with pain, as well. And so I think for me, kind of this frame of what it means for me to metabolize emotions that I am taking in a lot in a given day, whether it be circumstantial, like you're mentioning Kristina, or through conversation and personal interaction, there's a lot that happens. And so I've come to have some practices where yes, I can receive all these intense emotions, but then I have to metabolize them and recognize what are the things that I want to keep and absorb? Then a lot of it just gets eliminated because I just have to do that for my emotional steadiness.  So yeah, I think there's a difference between flatlining and steadiness, at least in my opinion.

Chris Roberts  06:42

Yeah. And I think one of the things that I see as a theme running through where this could be a positive thing is whenever we're encountering trouble or resistance in life. And I think one of the famous quotes that comes to my mind is, Charles Swindoll, about our attitudes, how we face things, how we face challenges. The quote is, “The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude that we will embrace for the day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, we cannot change the inevitable, the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have. And that is our attitude. I'm convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.”

Kristina Kaiser  07:31

Yeah, attitude is a huge part of it. And as much as we get to set an intention, right, we get to think, okay, my intention for this moment  is to be steady my intention for this day. Now, of course, I think another thread that we were pulling on a little bit before is this notion of connection to God in order to create that. And, Paul talks about that too, in Scripture, right? He says, Hey, this is Philippians 4:6, right? When you're feeling anxious, and you're having to struggle, take it to God, with prayer and petition and this peace is going to come, transcending peace, like some kind of spiritual amazingness. So there are all these different threads of okay, I'm setting my intention, I'm taking it to God. And I even think of the indigenous populations where they'll talk about the head and heart connection. So we need our heart to balance our minds, which I think this notion of, especially with equanimity,  to find steadiness and willingness to see.  Oh, we can't just have this head running the show, right, we need our heart to be a part. And sometimes it feels like that spirit aspect comes from the heart. And so bringing the Spirit into the day to kind of help the head and the various ways that it can get tossed about feels really important.

Christina Roberts  08:56

And I think it's important also to notice and name that if we are having a high or a low, a non steady emotion, we're aware of that. And I think to your point, Kristina, we then bring it to God. So yep, there's some anxiety going on. Yep. There's some heaviness going on. Again, we're not judging that or saying that that's a bad thing. It is just because sometimes we're faced with things that we would hope to evoke.  Recently someone that actually Chris and I worked with, probably 20 years ago, their daughter was tragically killed in a car accident, just shy of her 19th birthday. And so, on social media all these people that we haven't talked to in years, sort of rallying together for this family, and I found myself, even though I haven't talked to them in a very long time, carrying this weight and heaviness.  And I wanted to.  I want to help carry some of the grief that they're holding right now. And I also want to be emotionally steady. And so what does it mean for me to then take that to God and say, Okay, this is here and I'm happy to for however long it's helpful for me to hold prayer and hold space and to be there for them. Yeah. And also, I'm not them. This isn't my story, I do have a different life that I'm living parallel to this. And so sort of what are the portions that feel okay for me right now? And then what do I give to God? And how does he help me to walk through that? So I like what you're naming there as well, Kristina, that kind of comes up with the Bible in Philippians. 

Chris Roberts  10:20

I think this is particularly hard with people that are in the helping vocation, right? People that take in other people's stories, or are trying to help someone overcome an illness.  We tend to take in their stories and live the stories with them, but there's an art to letting it pass through us, and holding a little bit of space for them, but not staying connected and not letting it sit in us too long. And so I think this could be very helpful for that.

Christina Roberts  10:50

And you're right, when we do that there is this transcendent peace that you're mentioning, Kristina, that it's so utterly it's so supernatural. It's not something that is my meditation practice or my mindfulness, I can meditate my way to it. It's like, no, as I give this to God, he somehow meets me with this inexplicable peace that you're describing. So again, it seems to be that there's this partnership of my own acknowledgement and awareness and in a turning over and an opening up to God, and then God certainly meeting in that place. 

Kristina Kaiser  11:17

I mean, even as we're talking,  because of the weight of something like what you're describing, we can start to see, Oh, I need to be so much for this thing that I'm hearing. And it's funny, I listened to Tich Nacht Hahn on YouTube and he made this statement. And the whole thing is pretty interesting but at one point, he says, “if I am sad for too long, or if I am happy for too long”, and we tend not to think about what is the right amount of sadness and happiness? Exactly. But really, that's the essence of it, right? To not be able to take in and be there and be compassionate. And then to let go as if, God has much more ability.  But we start to be like, nope, gotta do it, as opposed to maybe God has got that. Maybe God can do this, as opposed to me doing it.

Christina Roberts  12:11

And going back to the tossing to and fro, I think when we are allowing that, then it's not the circumstances, these outer things aren't tossing us to and fro like I think one tends to be as human beings.

Kristina Kaiser  12:22

Yeah, it's been a big deal for me to learn to sit and receive a story to be present to the moment. And then I've had sessions where people actually have held up a large bowl, as if to say, and then it slides out, it slides away. I think it becomes part of that whole experience. And it happens in little ways, too, just to say. Just this week, we had people coming in to do our windows. And they have, it's January, so there's salt and mud and grossness.  I'm just thinking of the mess and the work that would be required. And at the same time, I am listening to these people talk about my studies, and this woman had said, Whether I think it is good, or I think it is bad, it is perfect. And so I went through my day being like, it is perfect. It is perfect.  I don't need to because I want to be a certain way. But it is fine the way that it is. And part of that the importance of it was to view that other person as a human too. So we did all the necessary things just to say.  We put out the tarps and later I vacuumed and I mopped and we did all the things. But their livelihood is wrapped up in this experience. And then us getting these windows wrapped up. But we are in this together. This is a communal moment. And how are we going to live here together? It is perfect. 

Well, thank you guys so much for this conversation. I'm sure we could go on and on. But thank you, it's been good.

Kristina Kaiser  14:11

And now is the time in our podcast where we take a moment to talk about what we are into. So what are we into today?

Christina Roberts  14:18

Well, I am into and I may have been into this before, but it's a Canadian TV series called Heartland and it is about a ranch where they take care of abused horses. And the reason I'm into it is because our family really enjoys watching it together in the evenings. And it's hard to find a show that everybody can sit and watch together. But gosh, I think there's 15 seasons that they've produced. So it is a long running show. And so it's fun watching my kids.  We know the characters and we'll talk about if there was a particular episode like maybe at breakfast the next morning.  We are like, Can you believe so and so? Or what do you think about this? And so I think it's fun for me because we all read our own books. But to have a series where we're really immersed in the characterization and the plots has been really fun as a family. So I am into Heartland for the family.

Chris Roberts  15:07

And recently as a precursor to watching Heartland as a family, something that I've really been into, and I really needed recently was a massage gun. We have a massage gun that we just got. And before we watch Heartland, we get the massage gun and massage each other's back or neck or wherever there's a little bit of tension in our body. And, you know, I recently did quite a bit of up and down lifting heavy stuff. And my back was a little bit tender. And so I was super thankful to come home to that massage gun. And I have three kids that are like, let me do it, I want to do it. And they take turns just driving that massage gun into the stiff muscles and pain. And so usually the massage gun is a precursor to watching together. So that's what I've been into.

Kristina Kaiser  16:01

What a lovely family experience. I love it. We have a different family experience going on, which does tie into what I meant. So I have recently reinvigorated my excitement about Norwex cloths, these microfibers. And you can do a lot of cleaning without a lot of product, which is great for kids, because you can teach your kids to start cleaning things you don't have to worry about, like how much cleaner that they're getting on themselves. So we recently have shifted some jobs, which means that the kids are basically taking care of their own living space, like their bathroom, vacuuming their floors. And then Dominic and I can take care of the upstairs, which is just remarkable. But these Norwex cloths make things so bright and shiny. And speaking of the floor, I had gone and gotten the Norwex mop out again. And I was like Oh, it really does work. Oh my gosh, that's really amazing. So for as big of a skeptic as I've ever been about how water could clean things, these things make things shine. 

Well, thank you so much for joining us today. We love community and we have noticed that sometimes there are listeners from other countries and other parts of the world that we don't live in the US. So if you're a listener, we would love to hear from you. Feel free to give us a hello, either social media or email or some way like that. And if you have questions, things you would love to see addressed here on the podcast, we would love to hear those as well. So thank you so much. We look forward to seeing you again soon. Bye, everybody.