Ep 187 Interruptions or Invitations?

Today we explore various times in our lives when we face interruptions, both small and large.  We discuss ways we’ve found helpful in reframing them.

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Transcript

 Interruptions or Invitations?

[00:00:00] Chris: Hello. It's great to be with you today We are talking about interruptions in our lives and how we might reframe them into invitations We have times in our lives where we experience interruptions and sometimes it's a capital I Interrupt that majorly disrupts our lives things like a health diagnosis being let go from our job, death of a loved one.

Sometimes it's a lowercase i. We get a flat tire, a storm hits, our internet goes out for the afternoon. We all have interruptions in our lives. And I also want to note that not all interruptions are negative. You may get an unexpected promotion, news that a friend is coming to town. Those are good interruptions to our normal life and routine.

So as I bring up interruptions or invitations, what comes up for you?

[00:00:56] Christina: Yeah, it's interesting that you talk about not all interruptions are negative. And the positive ones, I would say, naturally, when we see the positive things happening in our lives, those can naturally lend itself towards feeling like it's an invitation towards something new, something exciting. The next thing were the other things that you mentioned, right?

The internet going out, the flat tire, or the more major capital I interruptions do feel like interruptions. And I think that's where it's hard to maybe find the invitation in that. So I appreciate you distinguishing those two pieces. I think the first thing that I hear. The first thing that comes up as I hear you is years ago somebody was sharing about monasteries and how they use bells to signal time.

And when it's time for maybe lunch or a particular prayer time during the day, they ring these bells and it's, an invitation, if you will, to stop the work that you're doing and then to transition into the community prayer time or worship or meal or whatever. And how that can feel like an interruption, especially if you're like right in the middle of something and you want to finish the thing at hand before shifting over.

But this person began to realize and he was bent towards a real productive type of a personality, wanted to bring things to completion and The bells would be annoying and seen as an interruption, but recognizing, okay, no, this is a boundary. This is healthy. And it's a way for me to recognize that work has its place.

And so does community and worship and nourishment and all these other things rust. And that became a turning point for him of seeing these bells, not as interruptions, but as invitations. And so whoever did that. Wrote this poem or this narrative about parents of young children and how we don't have monastic bells like they do, with monks or something like that.

But our children are often like the monastic bells, right? Coming in and quote, interrupting us throughout the day. And I just thought, what a beautiful, brilliant parallel that they're drawing there. And that I think as parents, we can feel like this is interrupting me. And It's especially funny when like it's something where it's I'm trying to meditate right now, or I'm trying to do my exercise for wellness and you're quote interrupting me where I think the point of those things is to be more spacious and to welcome things in.

So anyway, I just found humor and I related a lot to that piece that I'm describing. 

[00:03:15] Chris: I love that. That is very, that's a really great way to look at whenever your children come to you. Yeah, I think one of the things that comes to my mind whenever I think about interruptions versus invitations is, our neighborhood, our community that we live in.

I think a lot of times, we're out mowing the yard. We're trying to, we're trying to fit it in. I think that's a lot of life is we're trying to fit in these tasks into our life. And I think. Oftentimes tasks can take priority over people. And, I remember one of the most important quotes that I heard from my time in seminary was the most important time is now, and the most important person is the one that's right in front of you.

And I think that's been so helpful for me because I have Quite a few neighbors that if they see me out they want to engage in a conversation and I have this, this task. And I think whenever I engage in conversation with them what is. What is God bringing to me in this moment, this interruption that I would call an interruption, what is the invitation?

What is God bringing? And sometimes we just write it off as a neighbor. Interrupting us. I think of the Rumi poem that life is a guest house, right? Sometimes, our neighbor wants to complain about something or our neighbor wants to tell us something joyful that is happening in their life.

And so that, that poem is telling us to welcome them, welcome whatever emotion whatever feeling is coming your way as a gift from the divine, right? And so I think that's one of the ways that I look at interruptions versus invitations.

[00:05:09] Christina: And again, this is a work in progress for me, but I think over the years I've tried to reframe and when interruptions come to bring it up, okay, what's the invitation here? And I think just, that's even a helpful question for me and a helpful question. Like our brain loves to solve problems. And so when we give our brain that.

That question, what's the invitation here? Then it goes to work to trying to find what is the invitation and what's the good that can come of this. And so we recently had a storm and our electricity went out. And so we had, it's okay, we can't do what we were going to do this evening.

And so we got our flashlights and candles and, the kids played a board game downstairs where it was cooler. And. It ended up being a charming evening, even though we didn't get to do what we had originally planned, right? And so I think we could be frustrated, angry, et cetera, or what's the invitation here?

Again, with major things my family just recently went through one of our family members with a really terminal illness. And I think from the get go of what's the invitation here for me that she was walking through and really had that frame. And I think it really inspired the rest of us to see this as an opportunity for.

That love to be drawn out and support and care in ways that had we not framed it that way, would have been a very different kind of story that we lived in. And that's not to say that when we try to frame things from invitation, that it's a hundred percent that we're there. But even if we feel interrupted by a major thing happening in our lives or a minor thing, even if like half of us can be invitational in that moment, that's great.

Or maybe we get to the point where it's okay. 75 percent of me sees this as an invitation and the other 25 percent is still annoyed that this happened or is still really discouraged or overwhelmed by that. That's fine. I don't think we're saying you have to be 100 percent one or the other, but I think in ways that we can open up to see a little bit more invitation, I find that to be helpful.

And then on the flip side, I do think there are times where An interruption is an interruption, and I really do want to protect the thing that I'm doing, because to me, Chris, to your point, I'm being present to something, and that interrupting thing can actually be a distraction to the thing that's at hand.

And so I don't think that all interruptions necessarily are an invitation. Sometimes, what's the invitation here? The invitation is to say no to that interruption and it would be a fun distraction, it would be okay to do that, but really I need to hunker down and focus in on this thing and not let myself be interrupted by that thing that the invitation is to say no.

So I don't think every time what's the invitation is yes, I think sometimes there is a no answer that comes. 

[00:07:38] Chris: Yeah, I really appreciate that. I, we live in a house with teenagers and, I'm in the middle of doing something and I get a text from my teenager all the time, and is this important is the question that I ask, is this important?

And most of the time it's a real. That, it found on Instagram or some social media. And it's no, that's interrupting what it is that I'm what I'm in the middle of doing, and I can get to that some other time or more than like it, they'll just tell me about what the real is about, because.

I can't view reels. I deleted all of those things from my phone. But I think one of the, one of the things that I've been thinking about as invitations versus interruptions is with my health and with other guys, other people that I'm in relationship with that tend to be in middle age, there tends to be a lot of injuries for those that are in middle age, 

we're still trying to do the things that, that we once could do when we're younger, when it comes to, playing volleyball sports or pickleball there are these things that we could do with our bodies. And then as we're getting older , we still have the pedal down and an injury comes.

And, I find myself asking, okay, my knee is hurting a little bit from doing this particular thing. I can't engage in that activity anymore. What is the invitation? How can I get if exercise and being active is a value of mine. How could, what's the invitation for me? Is it taking more walks in nature?

 How can I be active in a different way than how I was engaging before? So I like looking at, invitation versus interruption as it relates to health. And I think many people who are my age probably are in the same boat. 

[00:09:31] Christina: Yeah. I think you bring up a good point that our bodies speak to us.

And sometimes our bodies interrupt the things that we want to do or that our mind or personality or vigor wants to do. And there's a disconnect there. And so we have to pay attention to that and to do a reframe, I think also I, unfortunately I've been in a couple of different conversations with people who who themselves or their partner has lost a job recently and have had a really tough time getting back into the job market with, lots of interviews that, you think you're going to get it, got to the second, third round and then nothing.

And for extended periods of time. And so I think often in those spaces, it's not what's the invitation? It's this, and it's a really easy answer. I think sometimes there's stages of invitation and maybe when you're first let go, it's one particular invitation. And then several weeks later, it's a different invitation.

And if you're months down the road, it's a different invitation. And sometimes that can be really uncomfortable, right? Of as you're sitting with invitations for a little bit longer and the interruption is going longer than you had hoped or wanted. I think that can again, be really challenging.

And at the same time, I think offer some really unique invitations when we're paying attention to that and willing to sit with some of those Uncomfortable emotions and situations. And I think that's really helpful to have, peers or friends that can help us through that and to maybe borrow some of that energy and input and encouragement from others.

But I would say too, that again, I don't think it's a, what's the invitation. And then the answer comes right away, necessarily. I think oftentimes there's an unfolding of what that invitation is. And oftentimes it's not until much later on that we can even look back and recognize the invitations that were there for us.

But I think I've, heard of countless people that in hindsight, they were really glad that they let go or let go of their job or got laid off because it now opened up this whole new thing that they never would have gone to pursue. They would never would have started this job. They never would have went back to school.

Although at the time it was really challenging. 

[00:11:23] Chris: Yeah, absolutely. I think that is the hard. That is the hard part of that, right? Whenever there is an invitation in a lengthy interruption, right? Something that, that goes on for months. That could be a very challenging thing. And so the practice of leaning into what is the invitation?

You might have to ask that on a daily basis. What is the invitation here? What new thing am I discovering? I think a lot of people in midlife voluntarily switch to a new career, but I think for others it's a thrust onto them. And so living in that space for a long period of time can be challenging.

And so I agree. I think encouragement from others along the way could be helpful. 

[00:12:11] Christina: And I don't think it even is just middle life. I know we've been using examples of that, I'm thinking of examples too, like when I was 19 and I was going to school and I was I had gotten some credits in high school already for college.

And so after a year, I was really needing to make some decisions about my major and switching schools. And I was waitressing at a local restaurant and I was like driving off the parking lot at school and got a phone call that they like shut the restaurant down. Nobody had any note. Like we literally we're working, two days before and then they ended up selling it and they were like going to shut down the restaurant.

And so all of a sudden it's okay, I'm interrupted with the fact that I have enough credits now that I, I need to figure out my major and transfer and my, I don't have a job anymore. And again, I was 19. So I didn't have a family to feed or things like that, but it was an interruption for me and caused me to do some reflection.

And I ended up moving to Texas and studying there. And that's where I met Chris and so many wonderful things happened from that interruption, but I would have never done that if, something as simple as my waitressing job, which is not that big of a deal, right? You can get waitressing jobs are a dime a dozen.

But in that moment, all the different elements coming together was a real catalytic thing for me to make some positive changes in my life. So again, those interruptions can be catalytic that kind of light us up to something else. And oftentimes they come very unexpected, right? That's why they're Interruptions versus an Evite that you get to a party or save the date for the wedding.

Like you know it's coming six months or a year from now. Usually that doesn't happen in our real lives with things. And we have to look for the invitation there. 

[00:13:41] Chris: Yes, absolutely. And I appreciate you drawing attention to it. It's not just middle life. Sorry for my ageism there. It could happen at any moment in our lives.

[00:13:53] Christina: Let me go the opposite way too, because I was last night reading a blog of this lady who's in her seventies and she was working in education for years and had just finished this kind of lifelong project that she had of doing some work in Cambodia and that was completed. And so she was said, I need another creative project to work on.

And yet she was in her early seventies. And so she's a very active kind of fun person. And I don't know if it was one of her nieces or somebody suggested. Taking a her phone around with her to record some of her daily activities. So she thought that would be fun. And she's very active and does yoga and all this kind of stuff.

So she did that. And I think her niece helped her to create this Instagram account and like hundreds of thousands of people started following her. And so she now has this whole following, I think it's called aging disgracefully, where she does all these cool things on her Instagram. And that came because she needed a new project to work on.

And there was the quote interruption of, This is done. And this interruption of this idea from her niece of, why don't you do this? And then all of a sudden it exploded and recognizing, okay, there's something here for me to pay attention to. And she's had a lot of fun with that. Again, all ages and stages of life. I think this is applicable. 

[00:15:02] Chris: Yeah, absolutely. I was just listening to a podcast this morning from a lady who was in academia for 20 years and she was actually forced out of academia. She was forced to take early retirement. She's now 70 and she was saying, I didn't, I love teaching.

I didn't want to quit being a teacher, but She's actually doing something that's super important now. She's speaking to power in certain places and she wouldn't have done that. If her life didn't take this turn. And so now she's going to be part of making a history with reforming education, higher education.

, I really appreciate people who are ahead of us in life, who are making challenging challenging decisions with the invitations that they're feeling from life. So I appreciate you naming that as well.

[00:15:57] Chris: Thank you so much for a delightful conversation. Hopefully hearing this next time you experience an interruption you are. inspired to take a look at what invitation is present for you in your life. And now is the part of the podcast where we share what we are into. So what are we into? 

[00:16:27] Christina: At the time of this recording, the summer Olympics are happening.

And so I am very much into Watching the Olympics with my kiddos at night. It's been fun the past couple of nights sitting down and right now it's the women's gymnastics will be happening tonight and we love following the storylines and, I really appreciate too how the Olympics does such a great job of giving us some of the behind the scenes of what was happening in this person's life a year ago, or how they overcame an illness and things that you would never know.

Just watching the. Event unfolding, whether it be swimming or running or whatever it is. So I am very much into and appreciating the summer Olympics. 

[00:17:02] Chris: Yes very fun. I am into kitchen cabinets. We are going to be doing some remodeling. And I am all in on figuring out how, what is underneath the cabinets, how changing out the cabinets works, and I'm not going to install the new cabinets, but I've been doing more looking than I should into cabinets and countertops.

And there, it's a well run machine, there, there are people that can get you kitchen cabinets and what you need rather quickly. And so I, I really appreciate those that work in, in, in places that give you what you need for your home for remodeling your home.

And so I have been into remodeling kitchen cabinets. Thank you for joining us. It was great to be with you. Make it a great week.